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In some countries, Criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.7

In some countries, Criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7
In recent times, many countries have started a practice to broadcast the criminal trials on television. This essay will discuss few merits and myriad demerits of the above notion in the following paragraphs. To begin with, these activities affect a person’s life more negatively. One of the important demerits is that, children who see this activity can learn from it as, they were not aware about, difference between good or bad. They will attempt this because they are suffering from peer pressure. For example, most of the youngster’s learnt to earn money by applying shortcuts such as murder, theft, which they see in the news. Moreover, nowadays people are becoming materialistic; to complete their demands they were ready for such task. This would be as a result of their thinking has been changed. As a result, the advancement of the technology also helps to accelerate this activity, it would be detrimental for the society and in the future affect the nations. On the other hand, some advantages are there. Firstly, to broadcast the offensive activity running in the nation is that an individual gets information about what is running on their surroundings. In addition, this will also create an atmosphere where one should take steps to prevent themselves, even helps to others in a way to handle the situation. For instance, if any terrorist attack on the city, then informing the citizen about that; they should not leave their home and shift in place, which would have a more safety. In conclusion, to deliver the information about the criminal activity is good for the awareness, but it changes the children thinking, which affects on the future. The government should monitor the activity and only some part would be broadcasted.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a practice to broadcast the criminal trials on television. This essay will discuss few merits and myriad demerits of the above notion in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
affect a person’s life more
negatively
. One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
demerits is that, children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can learn from it as, they were not aware about, difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. They will attempt this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are suffering from peer pressure.
For example
, most of the youngster’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
to earn money by applying shortcuts such as murder, theft, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the news.
Moreover
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming materialistic; to complete their demands they were ready for such task. This would be
as a result
of their thinking has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
As a result
, the advancement of the technology
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to accelerate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, it would be detrimental for the society and in the future affect the nations.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages are there.
Firstly
, to broadcast the offensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
running in the nation is that an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
information about what is running on their surroundings.
In addition
, this will
also
create an atmosphere where one should take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
themselves, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to others in a way to handle the situation.
For instance
, if any terrorist attack on the city, then informing the citizen about that; they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home and shift in place, which would have a more safety.

In conclusion
, to deliver the information about the criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the awareness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the children thinking, which affects on the future. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part would
be broadcasted
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, Criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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