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Parents make best teachers. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Use specific examples and reasons to explain. v.1

Parents make best teachers. Use specific examples and reasons to explain. v. 1
Although Parents may be a child's first teacher, but it would be very unfair to say that they remain best instructor as well. In my opinion, best lecturer should not necessarily be tagged with mother and father rather should be entitled to any individual who show the kid difference between right/wrong and good /bad. Therefore, I completely disagree with the statement that parents are children's best coach. To embark, first and foremost, progenitors sometimes fail to explain their minor the danger signs associated with a fire, household chemicals, etc. Due to which they not only injure themselves, but also harm other individuals. For example, as I am Doctor by profession, I almost every second day, see children, who accidently, expose themselves with household chemicals and they sometimes even die. Secondly, Guardians may not guide their child about the ill effect of drugs. Once, they get involved, they have to face so many health issues or medical ailments. Later, they may even have to go to rehabilitation centres, but still there is no assurance that they completely recovers. There remains a very high probability that they again involve into drugs due to withdrawal effect of drugs. Also, sometimes parents deliberately indulge their offsprings into discrimination on the basis of Race, Caste, Religion, Politics, Nationality. Holding such Extremist views, does not only affect society, but also hollow individual. For instance, the incidence reported, last year in the News that certain group of people targeted one particular religion and killed them. Later, that person was imprisoned. I believe, somewhere, mother and father should hold complete responsibility of wrong attitude of the juvenile. To conclude, Parents can be a child's best teacher, but always assuming parents to be the best teacher is absolutely wrong. Hence, it dawned on me, sometimes, Parents fail to form their adolescent as the good citizen of our society.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
may be a child's
first
teacher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unfair to say that they remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
instructor
as well
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
lecturer should not
necessarily
be tagged
with mother and father
rather
should
be entitled
to any individual who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the kid difference between right/
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Therefore
, I completely disagree with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
coach.

To embark,
first
and foremost, progenitors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
their minor the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
signs associated with a fire, household chemicals, etc. Due to which they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
injure themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
harm other individuals.
For example
, as I am Doctor by profession, I almost every second day,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
children, who
Possible spelling mistake found.
accidently
, expose themselves with household
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
chemicals and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
Secondly
, Guardians may not guide their child about the ill effect of drugs. Once, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues or medical ailments. Later, they may even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to rehabilitation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
there is no assurance that they completely
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "recover"
recovers
. There remains a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high probability that they again involve into drugs due to withdrawal effect of drugs.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
deliberately
indulge their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
into discrimination on the basis of Race, Caste, Religion, Politics, Nationality. Holding such Extremist views, does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
hollow individual.
For instance
, the incidence reported, last year in the News that certain group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
targeted one particular religion and killed them. Later, that person
was imprisoned
. I believe, somewhere, mother and father should hold complete responsibility of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
attitude of the juvenile.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can be a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
teacher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
always assuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
teacher is
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Hence
, it dawned on me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
fail to form their adolescent as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen of our society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents make best teachers. Use specific examples and reasons to explain. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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