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In some countries, some criminal trials in law courts are shown on television so that the general public can watch. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, some criminal trials in law courts are shown on television so that the general public can watch. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Criminal proceedings are broadcasted on TV for general public in certain countries. I believe that negative sides of being showed criminal trials for all people higher than its positive sides. I consider, the only advantage caused by publicisition of criminal proceedings is that people can be aware of some provisions of law. In that way people acquire more knowledge about punishments, which in turn has led to decreasing number of crimes. For example, in some countries capital punishment is implemented by the government for some offenders. If people watch its proceeding on TV, they would be avoided to commit crime. Nevertheless, the disadvantages of being displayed criminal trials in judgement are far greater. First of all, potential criminals may plot similar crimes after watching these proceedings. They can depict other offenders’ weak points and develop new ways for escaping from punishment. As a result, they can carry out crime as a professional in hiding their mistakes. Furthermore, if children or their family members are showed on TV as an offender, they can be affected by this issue. It is undeniable that they can encounter bully and being ostracized from society. It may cause mental disturbance in children and also some children may harm their body and even commit suicide. In conclusion, although it enables people can become aware of punishments imposed for breaking a law, considering the fact that it taught the ways to potential criminals and cause children to isolate from society, I believe that the disadvantages of criminal proceedings broadcasted on TV outweigh the advantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Criminal
proceedings
are broadcasted
on TV for
Consider using "public".
general public
in certain countries. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
trials for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
higher than its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides.

I consider, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
advantage caused by
Possible spelling mistake found.
publicisition
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
proceedings is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
provisions of law. In that way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
acquire more knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
, which in turn has led to decreasing number of crimes.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is implemented
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offenders. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proceeding
on TV, they would
be avoided
to commit crime.

Nevertheless
, the disadvantages of
being displayed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
trials in judgement are far greater.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
may plot similar crimes after watching these proceedings. They can depict other offenders’ weak points and develop new ways for escaping from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
As a result
, they can carry out crime as a professional in hiding their mistakes.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or their family members are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
on TV as an offender, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this issue. It is undeniable that they can encounter bully and
being ostracized
from society. It may cause mental disturbance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may harm their body and even commit suicide.

In conclusion
, although it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
imposed for breaking a law, considering the fact that it taught the ways to potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to isolate from society, I believe that the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
proceedings broadcasted on TV outweigh the advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, some criminal trials in law courts are shown on television so that the general public can watch. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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