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In some countries, criminal trials are shown on the television for the public. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, criminal trials are shown on the television for the public. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In recent times, many countries have started a practice to broadcast the criminal cases on television for their citizens. This essay will discuss few merits and myriad demerits of the above notion in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the positive effects of conducting the criminal trials on media is that it brings great awareness to the society about the different offences done in present times. This awareness motivates the people to take some preventive steps to protect their families. For instance, the gang-rape in Delhi had awaken whole nation and since then, the parents have followed more preventive steps to protect their daughters. Moreover, the trials on the television render good examples to the public by stringent punishment to the culprits, so that in future, the number of potential offences will decline. Thus the criminal trails in public would not only spread awareness but also minimise the rate of crime in the future. On the other hand, such a practice might cause detrimental effects on the society. Firstly, the adolescents, who might watch such a trial on TV would have a negative impact on their psychology. As a result, they might influence by such offences, and trying to imitate it. Secondly, in many criminal cases, the name of a victim must have to keep confidential for their security of social prestige. For example, a rape victim’s name should not be disclosed in public. Although, the trial of crime is shown in public the identity of the victim could not be protected. Lastly, in some cases, a person is falsely accused of victim to get revenge. In such a case, it the trial is done in public, the social reputation of that person will ruin. Thus, the legislation and its implementation should not be conducted by showing on TV. In conclusion, the countries must have to form stringent laws to curb the offences. If they would broadcast the criminal trial on TV, then its disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a practice to broadcast the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases on television for their citizens. This essay will discuss few merits and myriad demerits of the above notion in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of conducting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
on media is that it brings great awareness to the society about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
done in present times. This awareness motivates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preventive steps to protect their families.
For instance
, the gang-rape in Delhi had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "awakened".
awaken
whole nation and since then, the parents have followed more preventive steps to protect their daughters.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
on the television render
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
by stringent punishment to the culprits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
, the number of potential
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
will decline.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
trails in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spread awareness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the rate of crime in the future.

On the other hand
, such a practice might cause detrimental effects on the society.
Firstly
, the adolescents, who might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trial
on TV would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their psychology.
As a result
, they might influence by such
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, and trying to imitate it.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases, the name of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
confidential for their security of social prestige.
For example
, a rape
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim’s
name should not
be disclosed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trial
of crime
is shown
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
the identity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
could not
be protected
.
Lastly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, a person is
falsely
accused of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
revenge. In such a case, it the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trial
is done
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, the social reputation of that person will ruin.
Thus
, the legislation and its implementation should not
be conducted
by showing on TV.

In conclusion
, the countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
form stringent laws to curb the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
. If they
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would broadcast
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trial
on TV, then its disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, criminal trials are shown on the television for the public. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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