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In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviours, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rule. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v.1

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviours, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 1
With the increase in human right advocacies, a group of countries still impose strict regulations to kids' behaviours. However, some countries give full access to kids to do whatever they want with little or no restriction. Children should be kept under close supervision and follow strict rules. This essay will discuss reasons why children should be have to follow rules. There are two primary reasons why children should be placed under strict rules of behaviours. Firstly, children make irrational decisions that might cost them and guardians a fortune. This is because, they are not mature enough to make certain decisions and might be misled by peer group. For example, children below the age of 18 are advised not to participate in gambling as this might expose them to manipulators and criminals. It is important for them not to take full responsibility of making decisions cause it might endanger them. Thus, their desicions should be reviewed. Secondly, they are highly vulnerable in the society. Children easily influenced by things they see around them and also, there is need to restrict them to certain behaviours like watching some television programmes and activities because these will have a negative impact in their behaviours. For instance, some television programmes are rated 18, 16and 12 respectively, due to there contents are not appropriate for children viwmew. Also, these activities could predispose them to some vices. Hence, it would be great help if they are guided in the things they watch and places they tape. In conclusion, it is imperative to have strict rules on children's behaviour rather than giving them free access to do anything. Because they are highly vulnerable and could make irrational decision that could jeopardise both their both their lives and that of their families
With the increase in human right
Possible spelling mistake found.
advocacies
, a group of countries
still
impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
regulations to kids'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries give full access to kids to do whatever they want with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no restriction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under close supervision and follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. This essay will discuss reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
Consider using the past participle "had"?
have
to follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

There are two primary reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be placed
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
irrational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cost them and guardians a fortune. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be misled
by peer group.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
below the age of 18
are advised
not to participate in gambling as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
expose them to manipulators and criminals. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them not to take full responsibility of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
cause it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
endanger them.
Thus
, their
Possible spelling mistake found.
desicions
should
be reviewed
.

Secondly
, they are
highly
vulnerable in the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
easily
influenced by things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
around them and
also
, there
is need
to restrict them to certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
like watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are rated
18, 16and 12
respectively
, due to
Did you mean "their"?
there
contents are not appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
viwmew
.
Also
, these activities could predispose them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vices.
Hence
, it would be great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
if they
are guided
in the things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and places they tape.

In conclusion
, it is imperative to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
rather
than giving them free access to do anything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they are
highly
vulnerable and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
irrational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
that could
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardise' is British English.
jeopardise
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "both their".
both their both their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and that of their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
families
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviours, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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