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In some country’s children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples v.1

In some country’s children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. 1
Nowadays, students prefer universities overseas for their studies is increasing worldwide. The dominance of studying abroad will improve their personal growth, but it will be more expensive. In my opinion, the positive aspects of studying abroad will suppress negativity. The foremost advantage of studying in a foreign country helps the students to understand the culture and the lifestyle of the people which differ from theirs. By this, they can acquire valuable points that will beneficial for their career and life. For instance, the students will get the courage and confidence to face and overcome difficult situations, moreover, it's a platform for them to come out of their comfort zone. Thus, this benefit will prove to be valuable in the future. However, studying abroad is costly, so the students require a large amount of money to get a visa, ticket furthermore, university fees are expensive. In Canada, for example, the pupils from countries like India have to spend about 18000 Canadian Dollars for first-year university fees and visas besides, other expenses like accommodation and transportation. Though they can earn money by part-time jobs while some countries provide stay back for one or two years, which helps them to find a better job. After all, the capital expense for the students is high, but in the future, they can earn more. In conclusion, the trend of studying abroad is gradually increasing every year. In spite of the expenses of studying overseas, the students can learn and experience the culture which results in their personal growth. In my opinion, these advantages will minimize the disadvantage of studying abroad.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer universities overseas for their studies is increasing worldwide. The dominance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their personal growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will be more expensive. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
will suppress negativity.

The foremost advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a foreign country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the culture and the lifestyle of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which differ from theirs. By this, they can acquire valuable points that will beneficial for their career and life.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the courage and confidence to face and overcome difficult situations,
moreover
, it's a platform for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their comfort zone.
Thus
, this benefit will prove to be valuable in the future.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is costly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
require a large amount of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a visa, ticket
furthermore
, university fees are expensive. In Canada,
for example
, the pupils from countries like India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend about 18000 Canadian Dollars for
first
-year university fees and visas
besides
, other expenses like accommodation and transportation. Though they can earn money by part-time jobs while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries provide stay back for one or two years, which
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "helps them find"?
helps them to find
a better job.
After all
, the capital expense for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the future, they can earn more.

In conclusion
, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is
gradually
increasing every year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the expenses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
overseas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn and experience the culture which results in their personal growth.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, these advantages will minimize the disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay In some country’s children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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