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In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 3
In this modern era, many people are reckoned to think that children should be independent enough to do whatever they like. However, After pondering this phenomenon, I deem to disagree with those who think this is an appropriate approach. In this essay, I will put forward my opinions followed by relevant examples. Those who held the assumption that freedom is necessary for everyone. Firstly, due to this mentality, a lot of teenagers has indulged into drug addiction. This is because, there is no confrontation from their parents. For example, According to the recent article from Wikipedia, 1 million people around the globe, died due to drug addiction last year. In which almost 40 percent of them were adolescents. If these kids had been under guidance from parents at an early stage, these children would have lived a healthy life. Moreover, Children these days take wrong career choices. The reason for this is, they are not mature enough to make such crucial decisions at an early age. For instance, It is quite common for young people to begin illegal business, just to make more money, which can lead to a lot of difficulties in their future. In contrast, if they were under the guidance of their parents, they would have easily moved past this struggle, leading to a better life afterwards. In conclusion, despite the conflicts that parents may have to face with this approach, I strongly believe that some restrictions are vital step on the path of teenagers becoming more responsible and mature.
In this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are reckoned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that children should be independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to do whatever they like.
However
, After pondering this phenomenon, I deem to disagree with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is an appropriate approach. In this essay, I will put forward my opinions followed by relevant examples.

Those who held the assumption that freedom is necessary for everyone.
Firstly
, due to this mentality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
has indulged into drug addiction. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, there is no confrontation from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, According to the recent article from Wikipedia, 1 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the globe,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to drug addiction last year. In which almost 40 percent of them were adolescents. If these kids had been under guidance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at an early stage, these children would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a healthy life.

Moreover
, Children these days take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
career choices.
The reason for this is
, they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such crucial decisions at an early age.
For instance
, It is quite common for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
illegal business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money, which can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficulties in their future.
In contrast
, if they were under the guidance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they would have
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
past this struggle, leading to a better life afterwards.

In conclusion
, despite the conflicts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with this approach, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions are vital step on the path of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
becoming more responsible and mature.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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