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Transporting large amount of food to richer countries from developing world is having an impact on air pollution and climate change. Some people say such imports should therefore be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.1

Transporting large amount of food to richer countries from developing world is having an impact on air pollution and climate change. Some people say such imports should therefore be reduced. with this opinion. v. 1
In the era of globalization, the population of the world has increased tremendously, especially in the developed nation. Therefore, demand of supply of food has incurred greatly so the government need to meet the demand of the growing public. In order for that to happen, the government from the developed nation has collaborate with the developing countries to import and export the food. However, the environmentalist feared that this will create a huge impact to the environment. In my opinion, I do agree with that notion, though this conundrum can be solved. Importation of the food from the countries of the lower population to thee higher population countries such as USA and China have benefited a lot. The populated countries able to receive enough food to meet the demand while the developing countries able to boost their economy status. Nevertheless, frequent importation means a suitable mode of transport is needed to transport the goods. Transportation such as ship tank and cargo planes are used as these enable to carry a huge amount of cargo at one time. As a result, high volume of the ships and planes can be seen in the air and the sea and due to this factor, contamination of the sea and air occurred. For example, a cargo ship leaked out diesel oil out in the Indian Ocean causing hundreds of aquatic animals affected and die because of the oil. The disruption of the ecosystem in the sea as well as up in the air will affect the human population as well leading to increased of incurable disease and decreased in the food supply. Therefore, feasible measures have been taken to overcome this issue and still maintaining the good relationship between the countries. Therefore, legislation need to be implemented so that the ecosystem can be protected. For instance, UNESCO approved the law where any contamination or leakage of the gas in the sea by the shippers will be heavily penalized. Moreover, all the export and import companies should use biodiesel or biodegradable oil to ensure the cleanliness of the environment. In this way, developing nation’s economy will be flourish will not be affected. In conclusion, I advocate that the negative impact that transportation of goods can harm the ecosystem, however, with stricter legislation and eco-friendly approach, it will not affect the financial status of both nations.
In the era of globalization, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the world has increased
tremendously
,
especially
in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Therefore
, demand of supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has incurred
greatly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of the growing public. In order for that to happen, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
from the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has
Use past participle here: "collaborated".
collaborate
with the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to import and export the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
However
, the environmentalist feared that this will create a huge impact to the environment. In my opinion, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that notion, though this conundrum can
be solved
.

Importation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
to thee higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
and China have benefited a lot. The populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
able to receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand while the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
able to boost their economy status.
Nevertheless
, frequent importation means a suitable mode of transport
is needed
to transport the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. Transportation such as ship tank and cargo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as these enable to carry a huge amount of cargo at one time.
As a result
, high volume of the ships and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the air and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
and due to this factor, contamination of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
and air occurred.
For example
, a cargo ship leaked out diesel oil out in the Indian Ocean causing hundreds of aquatic animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the oil. The disruption of the ecosystem in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
as well
as up in the air will affect the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
as well
leading to increased of incurable disease and decreased in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supply.

Therefore
, feasible measures have
been taken
to overcome this issue and
still
maintaining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, legislation need to
be implemented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the ecosystem can
be protected
.
For instance
, UNESCO approved the law where any contamination or leakage of the gas in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
by the shippers will be
heavily
penalized.
Moreover
, all the export and import
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
biodiesel or biodegradable oil to ensure the cleanliness of the environment. In this way, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
economy will be
Consider using a past participle here: "flourished".
flourish
will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

In conclusion
, I advocate that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact that transportation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can harm the ecosystem,
however
, with stricter legislation and eco-friendly approach, it will not affect the financial status of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Transporting large amount of food to richer countries from developing world is having an impact on air pollution and climate change. Some people say such imports should therefore be reduced. with this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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