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In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? v.1

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 1
In some climes, children are strictly monitored by regulations to ensure good behaviour while in some other climes they are given free hand to do as they please. In my opinion children need absolute guidance to mould their character. Minors need instructions to guide them in differentiating right from wrong. Because their young minds are naive and prone to foolish acts, if not properly directed. This is why in many African countries, following rules given by parents or an authority are a core part of a child's upbringing. It is also a general believe in this part of the world that children should not be left on their own to prevent them from misbehaving, else they become a burden to the society. However, in some countries where children are allowed to have freedom to do as they wish. Because they consider it necessary, in order that they may learn from any mistake that results from their bad decisions. Thereby, they could become more independent at an early age. This mindset, has given rise to a lot of social issues in the west where children are somewhat emancipated. Thus, I consider discipline through setting out rules as necessary to ensure an upright generation. Because children are the future of a nation and should not be left unguarded. As shown by the moral decadence in other nations as oppose to the strong character seen in Africa children. In conclusion, in as much as opinion may differ across countries about allowing children follow laid down regulations or to let them freely expire on their own. I think that children need to be guided so that the society would be better off.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
climes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
strictly
monitored by regulations to ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
while in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other climes they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
free hand to do as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need absolute guidance to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their character.

Minors need instructions to guide them in differentiating right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
their young minds are naive and prone to foolish acts, if not
properly
directed. This is why in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
African countries, following
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by parents or an authority are a core part of a child's upbringing. It is
also
a general believe in this part of the world that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from misbehaving, else they become a burden to the society.

However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have freedom to do as they wish.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they consider it necessary, in order that they may learn from any mistake that results from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
decisions. Thereby, they could become more independent at an early age. This mindset, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
social issues in the west where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are somewhat emancipated.

Thus
, I consider discipline through setting out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
as necessary to ensure an upright generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the future of a nation and should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unguarded. As shown by the moral decadence in other nations
Did you mean "as opposed to"?
as oppose to
the strong character
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Africa children.

In conclusion
, in as much as opinion may differ across countries about allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow laid down regulations or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
freely
expire on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be guided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the society would be better off.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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