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In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 to 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 to 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
It is often seen that some teenagers are visiting educational institutes to gain practical knowledge, while others prefer staying in schools providing better academic education. I believe that schools should focus on both the aspects of education for better future of their students. To commence with, academic education is a fundamental part in the careers of students. It constitutes a plethora of subjects like english, science, mathematics and computers. In majority of the cases, a child performing well in them, will have a bright future. For instance, students scoring consistently good academic grades have better chances of securing a job. Other skills such as soft skills are either inherent or could be learnt later, and in some cases, the organizations that recruit individuals, provide trainings on demand. On the other hand, although pragmatic wisdom provides an added advantage to an individual, it is irrelevant if the academics are weak. Further, having these skills only in their resume will not guarantee a job, as organizations first shortlist their employees on basis of grades, and then they look for practical skills. For instance, learning programming languages is essential to secure a job in software company, while, just acquiring skill like managing a team would not guarantee it. Consequently, competition has increased immensely and a child must excel in both. To conclude, schools must lay stress on academic education till a certain age and practical skills such as team leading and managing teams should be taught later. A perfect balance of both ought to be an optimal solution and would certainly assist children in getting an employment offer.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are visiting educational institutes to gain practical knowledge, while others prefer staying in schools providing better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I believe that schools should focus on both the aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for better future of their students.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a fundamental part in the careers of students. It constitutes a plethora of subjects like
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
, science, mathematics and computers. In
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the cases, a child performing well in them, will have a bright future.
For instance
, students scoring
consistently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
grades have better chances of securing a job. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are either inherent or could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
later, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, the organizations that recruit individuals, provide trainings on demand.

On the other hand
, although pragmatic wisdom provides an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
advantage to an individual, it is irrelevant if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
are weak.
Further
, having these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their resume will not guarantee a job, as organizations
first
shortlist their employees on basis of grades, and then they look for practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, learning programming languages is essential to secure a job in software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, while,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
like managing a team would not guarantee it.
Consequently
, competition has increased
immensely
and a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
excel in both.

To conclude
, schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
lay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
till a certain age and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as team leading and managing teams should
be taught
later. A perfect balance of both ought to be an optimal solution and would
certainly
assist children in getting an employment offer.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 to 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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