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In some countries, children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules? v.1

In some countries, children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. v. 1
It is widely argued that the younger generations should behave according to the law, while others believe that they should be permitted to do anything that they wish. This essay will discuss the two main reasons why they should follow the rules in the society. To start with, children should follow the regulation in order to be a good member in the community. This is because of the fact that they need the practise and to train themselves to understand the law as they grow up. According to 'The Economist', almost 90% of illegal juvenile activities generally occur from the bad environment from the parents that never punish and force them to behave accordingly. Therefore, the offsprings need to have strict regulations to grow up to be a good person in the society. Additionally, providing strict rules allow the children to respect others. For instance, when comparing between the European and Asian children' activities, often the Asian offsprings have better behaviours towards others and the elders compared to the European. This is due to the strict laws from their parents and school that allow them to understand their action towards other people. Hence, giving rules to the younger generation will allow them to respect other people and understand their behaviours in the society. To conclude, based on the essay above, the offsprings should indeed have strict laws of behaviours. This is because they need to be trained in order to be a good member of the community when they grow up, and to have respect towards others.
It is
widely
argued that the younger generations should behave according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
, while others believe that they should
be permitted
to do anything that they wish. This essay will discuss the two main reasons why they should follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, children should follow the regulation in order to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member in the community. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they need the
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
and to train themselves to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
as they grow up. According to 'The Economist', almost 90% of illegal juvenile activities
generally
occur from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
environment from the parents that never punish and force them to behave
accordingly
.
Therefore
, the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
need to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
regulations to grow up to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person in the society.

Additionally
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the children to respect others.
For instance
, when comparing between the European and Asian children' activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the Asian
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings have
better
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
towards others and the elders compared to the European. This is due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
from their parents and school that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to understand their action towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
, giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to the younger generation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and understand their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
in the society.

To conclude
, based on the essay above, the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
should
indeed
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to
be trained
in order to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member of the community when they grow up, and to have respect towards others.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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