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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.15

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. with this opinion? v. 15
Health is one of the indicators that measure the quality of life in a society. This is why, some people believe that governments should impose a higher tax on junk foods as a way to reduce its consumption, and, therefore, decrease the number of citizens with health problems. I totally agree with this view. To my way of thinking, measures such as this one can change the way people eat and eventually save their lives from some diseases. First of all, the main appeal of fast food is price. If the government suppresses this factor, it is more likely that people will start to consume other types of food that are as affordable, but not as harmful for their bodies such as fruits and homemade meals. In fact, countries which have already implemented such measures have had a decrease in obesity cases. In addition, the increase in the price of fast foods can incentive people buy from local communities that usually produce healthier foods with lower prices. In this situation, the economy of the place would become stronger improving the lives of the community. Take Thailand as an example, the communities have regional markets and farm markets as a way to protect regional food and local companies as well as promote a more balanced way of life for adults and children. Furthermore, it is of paramount importance that the money collected from the tax could be used to benefit the health of the citizens. For instance the government could create sports facilities or community centers where people could exercise without paying costly fees. An example of this is Canada, that does not only tax fast food chains, but also uses the money collected for expenses with public health. In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, it is part of the attribution of the government take care of the well-being of the population, consequently, measures such as taxation in fast food chains are utterly important to secure the population from some health problems. I truly believe that a scenario where this companies are more controlled society would be healthier and more prosperous.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is one of the indicators that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
the quality of life in a society. This is why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should impose a higher tax on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
as a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its consumption, and,
therefore
, decrease the number of citizens with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. To my way of thinking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
such as this one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat and
eventually
save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main appeal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is price. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
suppresses this factor, it is more likely that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to consume other types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that are as affordable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as harmful for their bodies such as fruits and homemade meals. In fact, countries which have already implemented such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
have had a decrease in obesity cases.

In addition
, the increase in the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can incentive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
that
usually
produce healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
with lower prices.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this situation, the economy of the place would become stronger improving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Take Thailand as an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
have regional markets and farm markets as a way to protect regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as well
as promote a more balanced way of life for adults and children.

Furthermore
, it is of paramount importance that the money collected from the tax could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the citizens.
For instance
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could create sports facilities or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
centers where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could exercise without paying costly fees. An example of this is Canada, that does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the money collected for expenses with public health.

In conclusion
, as far as I
am concerned
, it is part of the attribution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
take care of the well-being of the population,
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
such as taxation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains are
utterly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to secure the population from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. I
truly
believe that a scenario where
Did you mean "these"?
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are more controlled society would be healthier and more prosperous.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. with this opinion? v. 15

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
352 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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