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In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, in most of the countries, companies are providing maternity leave to the female employees after they give birth to their child. Some individuals believe that it is beneficial for both mother and their infants, while others contradict that maternity leaves occur loss to the human resource and management. This essay will delineate why the advantages greater than the disadvantages. The provision of maternity leave to the female employees can cause some issues with the company. As the women are paid without work for a few months, and during this time the organization should hire new candidates for contract either they get their colleagues to fill in. For example, female employees are allowed to take maternity leave for six months and there are five people who are in this leave. As a result company suffers a crisis of human resource. Eventually, there are few downsides in the maternity leave. On the Flip side from the viewpoint of human aspects there are advantages of being maternity period. This emphasises the modern society on the well being of women. After giving birth the women should regain her physical fitness. Moreover, this is the time to nurture their toddlers for physical and emotional development. For instance, new mothers should feed the baby her breast milk in order to improve the affection between them. Hence, it is essential for female employees to take time off after they delivery. Thus, it benefits for both new mom and infants. To recapitulate, although the company may occur from human resource, but it has more pro's to the women and her child. Hence, the advantages offering maternity leave outweigh than disadvantages.
Nowadays, in most of the countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are providing maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
after they give birth to their child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that it is beneficial for both mother and their infants, while others contradict that maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
occur loss to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
resource and management. This essay will delineate why the advantages greater than the disadvantages.

The provision of maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are paid
without work for a few months, and during this time the organization should hire new candidates for contract either they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their colleagues to fill in.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
for six months and there are five
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
suffers a crisis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
resource.
Eventually
, there are few downsides in the maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.

On the Flip side from the viewpoint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
aspects there are advantages of being maternity period. This
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "emphases", the plural form of the noun 'emphasis'?
emphasises
the modern society on the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
giving birth the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should regain her physical fitness.
Moreover
, this is the time to nurture their toddlers for physical and emotional development.
For instance
, new mothers should feed the baby her breast milk in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the affection between them.
Hence
, it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to take time off after
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they delivery
.
Thus
, it benefits for both new mom and infants.

To recapitulate, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
may occur from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
resource,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has more
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "pros"?
pro's
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and her child.
Hence
, the advantages offering maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
outweigh than disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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