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In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. but some advertisers claim that there is useful information in the advertisements. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. but some advertisers claim that there is useful information in the advertisements. v. 2
In some nations, more and more advertisers make efforts to convince children to buy the types of goods they like such as toys and snack. While some advertiser affirm about the usefulness of information in the advertisement to attract more customers especially children, I agree with parents to consider those advertisements to put pressure on children since they don’t know how to select the suitable products. On the one hand, advertisers always make sure that the information in the advertisements is useful because they want to persuade viewers, especially children, to make more purchases than they really need. This helps revenue of products is rising as much as possible. For instance, Vinamilk with the advertiser's image of cute cows has easily impacted on the children, which helps Vinamilk revenue to always be the top in the dairy industry in Vietnam. However, I find that there are some advertisements which exaggerate the truth and children are too young to distinguish that if the information in the advertisements is true or not. On the other hand, parents afraid of the fact that those advertisements have put pressure on children because It’s hard for them to choose the best product which suitable for them. There is more and more children’s product appearing which have many funny pictures and attractive animations to make children to ask their parents buy. However, the problem is that not all products which appear on media are good and It will be very difficult for children to choose something that suits their family's conditions and personal interests. For example, after watching a lot of video advertisement about many kinds of snacks, my cousin wanted to buy some, but it took him a stressful day to choose because what he likes is too expensive, and the cheaper one he doesn't want. Therefore, I think parents may worry a lot about these situations because if the kids think of products too much, they will have no more time for studying and entertaining. In conclusion, more and more advertisements are aimed at attracting children customers. While advertisers argue that the material in their ads is helpful, I strongly agree with the parents' opinion that children will be pressured by those advertisements because they have a negative impact on their studying.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
efforts to convince
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
they like such as toys and snack. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "advertisers"?
advertiser
affirm about the usefulness of information in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
to attract more customers
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to consider those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to put pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since they don’t know how to select the suitable products.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisers
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that the information in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to persuade viewers,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
than they
really
need. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
revenue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is rising as much as possible.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vinamilk
with the advertiser's image of cute cows has
easily
impacted on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vinamilk
revenue to always be the top in the dairy industry in Vietnam.
However
, I find that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which exaggerate the truth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too young to distinguish that if the information in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is true or not.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
afraid of the fact that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have put pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to choose the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which suitable for them. There is more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
appearing which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
pictures and attractive animations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
However
, the problem is that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which appear on media are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and It will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose something that suits their family's conditions and personal interests.
For example
, after watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of snacks, my cousin wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it took him a stressful day to choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what he likes is too expensive, and the cheaper one he doesn't want.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may worry a lot about these situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
too much, they will have no more time for studying and entertaining.

In conclusion
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are aimed
at attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
customers. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisers
argue that the material in their ads is helpful, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the parents' opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be pressured
by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their studying.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. but some advertisers claim that there is useful information in the advertisements. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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