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Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. v. 5
It is argued that artists were given an enormous amount of assistance by states, while some say that investing in art and culture is a waste of resources. While assisting art and culture industries will help promote and preserve the traditions of nations, I believe that it is more beneficial to spend the enormous amount of funds on science and technology that will assist the authorities economically. On the one hand, rendering assistance to the musicians by governments will help them to keep the artefacts and cultural facts of countries. If there is no support for those who will work in our cultural centres such as, museums and national libraries, workers will not work diligently when they are not being paid. For example, the University of Manchester recorded that the UK government spent 3. 5 million pounds yearly in order to keep all the museums across Manchester in good condition because they are to be preserved for next generations. However, I believe that the states should divert more money away from art to science and technology because it is the bedrock of the society. On the other hand, it is thought that the foundation of every society that desires to continue to emerge ought to fund its science-oriented courses rather than wasting huge resources for artists. Science, technology and mathematics are the subjects that any state should put money on because the scientists are the one that brings about new innovations that spur growth and development. As a result of the emerging research, new products such as fast speed trains are developed in a country like China, new generation computers, 5G networks and the jet planes in the United States of America. I believe this school of thought will be more profitable because it will help the government to provide more jobs and basic social amenities for the teeming populace. In conclusion, although taking care of the artists by spending more fund on them will only help us to reserve our old cultural evidences for the younger ones, the scientists should be seen as vital people in the society because they will assist in boosting the economy of nations.
It
is argued
that artists were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an enormous amount of assistance by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that investing in art and culture is a waste of resources. While assisting art and culture industries will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
promote and preserve the traditions of nations, I believe that it is more beneficial to spend the enormous amount of funds on science and technology that will assist the authorities
economically
.

On the one hand, rendering assistance to the musicians by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
and cultural facts of countries. If there is no support for those who will work in our cultural
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
such as, museums and national libraries, workers will not work
diligently
when they are not
being paid
.
For example
, the University of Manchester recorded that the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spent 3. 5 million pounds yearly in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
all the museums across Manchester in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are to
be preserved
for
next
generations.
However
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
should divert more money away from art to science and technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the bedrock of the society.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the foundation of every society that desires to continue to emerge ought to fund its science-oriented courses
rather
than wasting huge resources for artists. Science, technology and mathematics are the subjects that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should put money on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the scientists are the one that brings about new innovations that spur growth and development.
As a result
of the emerging research, new products such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
speed trains
are developed
in a country like China, new generation computers, 5G networks and the jet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
in the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
of America. I believe this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
will be more profitable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide more jobs and basic social amenities for the teeming populace.

In conclusion
, although taking care of the artists by spending more fund on them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to reserve our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cultural evidences for the younger ones, the scientists should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will assist in boosting the economy of nations.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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