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In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this? v.4

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this? v. 4
Crime is unquestionably one of the most prevailing and worrying aspects in any society, and its prevention should be taken seriously. Crime prevention can be executed in various ways, firstly through a sustained, honest presence in the community and secondly through international cooperation. A local presence of incorruptible law enforcement authorities may be costly, however, the long-term investment would pay dividends in the future. A safer region would encourage trade, investment and set an invaluable example for younger generations. For example, crime has dramatically been reduced in the Favelas around Rio de Janiero in Brazil. This was achieved largely through the government committing large funds of money to stationing police headquarters in and around the slums. These financial expenditures greatly benefited the community. Secondly, due to the large-scale severity and the global impact that crime has in some areas of the world, global cooperation is critical. Operating in a different way would incur significant financial losses and render any expenditure futile. For example, Somalian pirates in Africa have reigned terror amongst many ocean transport companies in the area. Only through large-scale international cooperation was policing the area possible. Therefore, crime reduction can be attributed to a joint effort between countries. To conclude, illegal activities are a costly and dangerous fact, in the present global economy; however, through large-scale government investment prevention is an attainable goal. Also, spreading the expense through international cooperation the resources invested can be significantly more effective in reducing criminals’ effectiveness abroad.
Crime
is
unquestionably
one of the most prevailing and worrying aspects in any society, and its prevention should
be taken
seriously
.
Crime
prevention can
be executed
in various ways,
firstly
through
a sustained, honest presence in the community and
secondly
through
international cooperation.

A local presence of incorruptible law enforcement authorities may be costly,
however
, the long-term investment would pay dividends in the future. A safer region would encourage trade, investment and set an invaluable example for younger generations.
For example
,
crime
has
dramatically
been
reduced
in the
Favelas
around Rio de Janiero in Brazil. This
was achieved
largely
through
the
government
committing large funds of money to stationing police headquarters in and around the slums. These financial expenditures
greatly
benefited the community.

Secondly
, due to the large-scale severity and the global impact that
crime
has in
some
areas of the world, global cooperation is critical. Operating in a
different
way would incur significant financial losses and render any expenditure futile.
For example
,
Somalian
pirates in Africa have reigned terror amongst
many
ocean transport
companies
in the area.
Only
through
large-scale international cooperation was policing the area possible.
Therefore
,
crime
reduction can
be attributed
to a joint effort between countries.

To conclude
, illegal activities are a costly and
dangerous
fact, in the present global economy;
however
,
through
large-scale
government
investment prevention is an attainable goal.
Also
, spreading the expense
through
international cooperation the resources invested can be
significantly
more effective in reducing criminals’ effectiveness abroad.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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