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Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.27

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. v. 27
In today’s world, the environment is one of the most serious problems and it is everyone’s responsibility to protect the earth. Some people think that society cannot do anything about protecting the world/world protection/ protection world. In my point of view, that claim is totally wrong for some reasons. In the following paragraph I will try to explain why I think so. As it is clear from above, individuals can make a big difference to protect the world. Greenhouse gases affect the world quite badly. These are a consequence of traffic. What I mean is that, almost each family owns more than one car. Depending on this situation, there are a lot of vehicles in traffic. Thus, people prefer to use public transportation more than driving their own cars. Furthermore; if they find the chance, they may replace their internal combustion engine cars with electric cars. In addition to this, Individuals and government should work together to improve the environment. Unfortunately, the use of plastic bags is very common among people during the shopping. In this context, both large companies and governments and people can take their own measures. For example, governments can set a price for plastic bags and large companies should support this implementation. Then this collected money can be used for planting trees. Moreover, people should prefer cloth bags instead of plastic ones. All in all, in the light of the aforementioned points, it can be effortlessly concluded that individuals can and should many things to protect the world. Also everybody like governments, companies and people should work together within this period.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the environment is one of the most serious problems and it is everyone’s responsibility to protect the earth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that society cannot do anything about protecting the world/world protection/ protection
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. In my point of view, that claim is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. In the following paragraph I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

As it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from above, individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Greenhouse gases affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
quite
badly
. These are a consequence of traffic. What I mean is that, almost each family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
more than one car. Depending on this situation, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vehicles in traffic.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transportation more than driving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
; if they find the chance, they may replace their internal combustion engine cars with electric cars.

In addition
to this, Individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should work together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the environment. Unfortunately, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of plastic bags is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during the shopping. In this context, both large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
measures.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can set a price for plastic bags and large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should support this implementation. Then this collected money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for planting trees.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should prefer cloth bags
instead
of plastic ones.

All in all, in the light of the aforementioned points, it can be
effortlessly
concluded that individuals can and should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
everybody like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should work together within this period.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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