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In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this? v.3

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this? v. 3
Crimes committed by adolescents are very popular and crucial in some countries.   I think that the main contributor of this issue is their friends, peers, as well as their parents.   However, in my opinion, teenagers' parents should be punished with light imprisonment or a fine. Friends who urge some teenagers to turn to crime can be a reason of this issue. As a result of this, juvenile delinquency is increasing day-to-day. Furthermore, because of negligence of some parents, teens lead a life of crime. In my view, they should be strict towards their children's friends behaviour. For example, according to the Russian Prevention Organisation, a perceptible part of teenagers committed burglary and shoplifting, serious types of crime. In 2015, this index demonstrated a two-fold ascend among underage delinquency. The main solution of juvenile delinquency is to accuse their parents for a short-term imprisonment or to pay a great deal of surcharge. As an outcome, parents start to notice strictly towards their children since their crime. In my opinion, detention of parents can be an effective option against the process of underage crimes. In some developed countries, teenagers committed crime are arrested and convicted their parents for a crime by the government due to their children delinquency. This is because, teen's  behaviour depends on parents upbringing, and they should control them despite all work and problems. To conclude, the factor of underage crime is to lead a bad company, which discourage some teens. In order to prevent the very crime, government should punish parents, it can be a feasible approach, in my opinion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
committed by adolescents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular and crucial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the main contributor of this issue is their friends, peers,
as well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
However
, in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be punished
with light imprisonment or a fine.

Friends who urge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can be a reason of this issue.
As a result
of this, juvenile delinquency is increasing day-to-day.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of negligence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teens lead a life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In my view, they should be strict towards their children's friends
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For example
, according to the Russian Prevention
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
, a perceptible part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
committed burglary and shoplifting, serious types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In 2015, this index demonstrated a two-fold ascend among underage delinquency.

The main solution of juvenile delinquency is to accuse their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for a short-term imprisonment or to pay a great deal of surcharge. As an outcome,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to notice
strictly
towards their children since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In my opinion, detention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be an effective option against the process of underage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
are arrested
and convicted their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
due to their children delinquency. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, teen's
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
upbringing, and they should control them despite all work and problems.

To conclude
, the factor of underage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is to lead a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which discourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teens. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, it can be a feasible approach, in my opinion.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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