Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.11

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. with this opinion? v. 11
It is true that people are judged based on their social status and personal wealth nowadays, and traditional values such as integrity and honesty are being forgotten. To a certain extent, I would agree with the fact that people are valued based on their wealth and status these days, but I also believe that old fashioned values still play an important part in our society. On the other hand, the advancement of technology in this digital age has led to change human’s attitude and concept. One of the reasons this development is that media encourage young people to follow the wrong role model. They are misguided by the notion that a person should be wealthy and famous to be successful. They do not care whether the person they admire has character or integrity. They are blinded by the hype surrounding these people. Not surprisingly, a study conducted by a well-known university in 2016 revealed that 75% of girls aged between 14 and 18 years would rather be like Khloe Kardashian than Madam Curie or Mother Teresa. However, the basis of being human is trust and kindness. Many things in life, the outside beauty, perfection is not the most important to the inner beauty and perfection. For instance, a vegetable at grocery store tastes bad, but high nutrient content, a book with the colourful cover page but boring and uninspiring. A beautiful woman with a perfect figure, but not a good choice for you to marry. If something on the outside has not defected, we are excited and believe it is the same on the inside. And then business people are still looking for business partners, who are reliable, can be trusted, and dependable. Therefore, it is important for adults to educate their children about these positive values because they still play an essential part in the societies. In conclusion, even though people are judged based on their wealth and social status nowadays, but I do believe that old fashioned values such as honour, respect and trust cannot be eliminated from our daily lives. Therefore we must teach our young generation about these cultures, in order for them to epitomize.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are judged
based on their social status and personal wealth nowadays, and traditional values such as integrity and honesty are
being forgotten
. To a certain extent, I would
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are valued
based on their wealth and status these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
believe that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
values
still
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our society.
On the other hand
, the advancement of technology in this digital age has led to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
human’s attitude and concept. One of the reasons this development is that media encourage young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
role model. They
are misguided
by the notion that a person should be wealthy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
to be successful. They do not care whether the person they admire has character or integrity.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
are blinded
by the hype surrounding these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Not
surprisingly
, a study conducted by a well-known university in 2016 revealed that 75% of girls aged between 14 and 18 years would
rather
be like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khloe
Kardashian than Madam Curie or Mother Teresa.

However
, the basis of being human is trust and kindness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
things in life, the outside beauty, perfection is not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the inner beauty and perfection.
For instance
, a vegetable at grocery store tastes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
high nutrient content, a book with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
cover page
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
boring and uninspiring. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
woman with a perfect figure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for you to marry. If something on the outside has not defected, we
are excited
and believe it is the same on the inside. And then business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
looking for business partners, who are reliable, can
be trusted
, and dependable.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for adults to educate their children about these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
still
play an essential part in the societies.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are judged
based on their wealth and social status nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do believe that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
values such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
, respect and trust cannot
be eliminated
from our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
teach our young generation about these cultures, in order for them to epitomize.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. with this opinion? v. 11

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
359 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts