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In some cities in the world, life quality is declining. What are the reasons and solutions for this problem? v.1

In some cities in the world, life quality is declining. What are the reasons and solutions for this problem? v. 1
There is an increased number of products being promoted by famous people. And this phenomenon assembles two sides of one coin. This essay will throw some light on the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. In the first place, there are various reasons why it might be considered as adverse to allow celebrities to publicize many products. Firstly, there are a huge number of fans unquestioningly want to purchase goods advertised by their idols or people that they admire without inspecting the quality or knowing whether that products are necessary or not. It can therefore cost a lot of money and effort, which is completely not worth. Secondly, if products are then found poor quality or counterfeit, celebrity's reputation can probably be damaged which negatively affect their prospective career paths. Thirdly, those renowned people could become money-minded and if they do too many advertisement campaigns. As a result, they may perhaps neglect their main job and forget about the in-depth value of their working life. However, in spite of these arguments, I still do believe that the benefits definitely outweigh the drawbacks itself. In particular, celebrities are likely to promote certain products in a better way as they use some of these items in their line of work. For example, Raffle Nadal does the advertisement for an energy drink, which he constantly consumes while playing tennis. Because of this reason, many people search for these products because of its genuineness and reliability. Besides, people can make money by doing various types of advertisements. Nowadays, many advertising businesses are willing to pay high sums for celebrities who cooperate with them, which is a great opportunity for them to get higher remuneration. In conclusion, although offering goods marketed by those who are popular have both downsides and upsides, I believe that it is up to celebrities to decide whether they should handle this work or not.
There is an increased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
being promoted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. And this phenomenon assembles two sides of one coin. This essay will throw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

In the
first
place, there are various reasons why it might
be considered
as adverse to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to publicize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Firstly
, there are a huge number of fans
unquestioningly
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
advertised by their idols or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they admire without inspecting the quality or knowing whether that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are necessary or not. It can
therefore
cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and effort, which is completely not worth.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are then found poor quality or counterfeit, celebrity's reputation can
probably
be damaged
which
negatively
affect their prospective career paths.
Thirdly
, those renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could become money-minded and if they do too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertisement campaigns.
As a result
, they
Consider using "may", "perhaps".
may perhaps
neglect their main job and forget about the in-depth value of their working life.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
these arguments, I
still
do believe that the benefits definitely outweigh the drawbacks itself.
In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are likely to promote certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a better way as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these items in their line of work.
For example
, Raffle
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nadal
does the advertisement for an energy drink, which he
constantly
consumes while playing tennis.
Because of this
reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
search for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its genuineness and reliability.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money by doing various types of advertisements. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertising businesses are willing to pay high sums for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
who cooperate with them, which is a great opportunity for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher remuneration.

In conclusion
, although offering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
marketed by those who are popular have both downsides and upsides, I believe that it is up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to decide whether they should handle this work or not.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cities in the world, life quality is declining. What are the reasons and solutions for this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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