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In some areas of world people love to live in traditional lifestyle while in other regions they have a modern living standard. Why it happens? Discuss both views for supporting of your topic. v.1

In some areas of world people love to live in traditional lifestyle while in other regions they have a modern living standard. Why it happens? v. 1
Now-a-days, technology has evolved so much that it has a huge impact on traditional ways of living and working. People these days, are more fashionable and they are leading a luxurious lifestyle. However, still there are individuals who are following their conventional mode of living. In this essay I will discuss both sides of views and possible reasons for this trend. To start with, the dramatic development of technology plays a vital role in fading away local cultures. Through different movies, dramas and entertainment shows, people get exposure to foreign culture and become curious to adopt a new culture. In addition to this, new advancements in every field of life are also the root cause of changing lifestyle. Now, individuals have a more convenient mode of transports, better medical facilities and access to modern architectural designs. Moreover, machines are replacing men in every aspect of life. Mechanization has changed the way of living massively. On the other hand, there are people who still follow the local traditions. Such individuals have sacred devotion for their customs and they can't even think to leave the ways of their forefathers. In addition to this, for some people traditional lifestyle provides a sense of comfort and belonging. It is the key factor that connects them with their families and friends. Moreover, conventional mode of living is also a way of representing a culture that attracts foreigners and can be a source of tourism. For example, many foreigners visit Newzeland to experience a genuine indigenous Maori culture. So, cultural tourism is of considerable influence in the modern era. To conclude, both, traditional and modern lifestyles have their own charms and attractions. It is good to accept change in way of living, but, meanwhile, one should not forget his traditions and customs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days, technology has evolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that it has a huge impact on traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
and working.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
these days, are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fashionable and
they are leading a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
However
,
still
there are individuals who are following their conventional mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. In this essay I will discuss both sides of views and possible reasons for this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the dramatic development of technology plays a vital role in fading away local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. Through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
movies, dramas and entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposure to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and become curious to adopt a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
In addition
to this, new advancements in every field of life are
also
the root cause of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, individuals have a more convenient mode of transports, better medical facilities and access to modern architectural designs.
Moreover
, machines are replacing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in every aspect of life. Mechanization has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
massively
.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
still
follow the local traditions. Such individuals have sacred devotion for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
customs and
they can't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of their forefathers.
In addition
to this, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
provides a sense of comfort and belonging. It is the key factor that connects them with their families and friends.
Moreover
, conventional mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of representing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
that attracts foreigners and can be a source of tourism.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreigners visit
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newzeland
to experience a genuine indigenous Maori
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, cultural tourism is of considerable influence in the modern era.

To conclude
, both, traditional and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
charms and attractions. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, meanwhile, one should not forget his traditions and customs.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of world people love to live in traditional lifestyle while in other regions they have a modern living standard. Why it happens? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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