Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. v.9

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. v. 9
It is thought by many that the commercial sections should be shifted to the countryside from the metropolitan’s cities to balance the growth of the country along with several other benefits. But some of the people are claiming there will be having some hurdles which will boost the cost, so it is better to keep the firms in the urban areas. Crucial benefits could be observed to move the organization in the backward areas. Firstly, an equal growth of the nation is compulsory to become a developed nation in the real words otherwise rich will become richer and poor will be poorer, thus to create more job opportunities in regional areas, commercial and firms are pivotal to get opened. Secondly, if the rural areas will be having more industries, automatically air and water pollution will get reduced, moreover, if the crowd will get shifted for employment from big cities towards the small areas, ultimately it is going to save the whole nation from the congestion, asthma and many other diseases. Some of the problem will get occurred for the initial stage, for instance, the road condition of the backward areas is poor, moreover, owing to deficiency of required amenities, travel time and transportation will get raises that will directly impact the rate of the product or services. Furthermore, employees of the rural areas are not well qualified, even they are not familiar with the operations of latest technology, it will take huge time for them to get trained and to get and to work with required efficiency, which will hike the training value and time, cost and quality will suffer for a few months or years. In conclusion, drawbacks of the shifting of industries to the rural areas are for the beginning period only, but the benefits are in the long run. Even government can reduce the effect of possible limitations by providing subsidies and tax concession to migrating organizations to control the pollution and diseases and that will increase the GDP and revenue of the country, apparently, the unemployment rate will go down.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the commercial sections should
be shifted
to the countryside from the metropolitan’s cities to balance the growth of the country along with several other benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are claiming there will be having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hurdles which will boost the cost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the firms in the urban areas.

Crucial benefits could
be observed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the organization in the backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Firstly
, an equal growth of the nation is compulsory to become a developed nation in the real words
otherwise
rich will become richer and poor will be poorer,
thus
to create more job opportunities in regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, commercial and firms are pivotal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opened.
Secondly
, if the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will be having more industries,
automatically
air and water pollution will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
moreover
, if the crowd will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
shifted for employment from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities towards the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
ultimately
it is going to save the whole nation from the congestion, asthma and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other diseases.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
problem will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
occurred for the initial stage,
for instance
, the road condition of the backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is poor,
moreover
, owing to deficiency of required amenities, travel time and transportation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
raises that will
directly
impact the rate of the product or services.
Furthermore
, employees of the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are not well qualified, even they are not familiar with the operations of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology, it will take huge time for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trained and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and to work with required efficiency, which will hike the training value and time, cost and quality will suffer for a few months or years.

In conclusion
, drawbacks of the shifting of industries to the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are for the beginning period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits are in the long run. Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the effect of possible limitations by providing subsidies and tax concession to migrating organizations to control the pollution and diseases and that will increase the GDP and revenue of the country,
apparently
, the unemployment rate will go down.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts