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In some areas in the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v.1

In some areas in the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 1
Owing to the imposement of curfew in some areas on the United States, children are no longer allowed to be outdoors after a particular time except been accompanied by an adult. In my opinion, I think this is a good development that will protect the country’s teenagers against dangers at night. Firstly, many teenagers are always endangered moving around between 10pm and 5am. They are harassed, beaten and robbed by hoodlums in those areas. For example, I remember when I was young, my mum does not allow me to go out after 7pm, I really do not know the reason for this action at that time but as I was growing up, I now know that this was because of the increase of hoodlums in the society. It is therefore important that they are accompanied by their parents or guardians when they are going out at night. Another point to consider is the increase in the number of teenager being kidnapped in some areas of the United States. It has been recorded that’s about 70, 000 children’s were kidnapped in Alabama last year and the state of Alabama has warned parents and guardians not to allow their kids to go out alone at night especially between 10pm and 5am. For example, a friend of mind was kidnapped back then in 1998 when he was sent to get some drugs at the pharmacy for his parents, he was released after they got ransom from his parents. My parents had since stopped all of us from going out at night. I think it’s important that all parents put this into consideration. In conclusion, I think it’s a good decision to impose curfew in some areas in US considering the dangers children face at night. Its a good development for Adult to accompany them even if they want to go out at night.
Owing to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
imposement
of curfew in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
on the United States, children are no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be outdoors after a particular time except
been accompanied
by an adult. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development that will protect the country’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
at night.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are always endangered moving around between 10pm and 5am. They
are harassed
, beaten and robbed by hoodlums in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For example
, I remember when I was young, my mum does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to go out after 7pm, I
really
do not know the reason for this action at that time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as I was growing up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
know that this was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increase of hoodlums in the society. It is
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they
are accompanied
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or guardians when they are going out at night.

Another point to consider is the increase in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
being kidnapped
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the United States. It has
been recorded
that’s about 70, 000 children’s
were kidnapped
in Alabama last year and the state of Alabama has warned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and guardians not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their kids to go out alone at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
especially
between 10pm and 5am.
For example
, a friend of mind
was kidnapped
back then in 1998 when he was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drugs at the pharmacy for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, he
was released
after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
ransom from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
all of us from going out at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put this into consideration.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision to impose curfew in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in US considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
children face at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development for Adult to accompany them even if they want to go out at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas in the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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