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in some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.7

in some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 7
Various conflicts are going around the world, due to which government of many countries impose sactions on people for their safety. Some people think that government imposed sanctions on young people after dawn is acceptable. However, I disagree the above line of thought, and belive that infringes the right of freedom and better police protection during nights will solve the problem. To begin with, young people should not be bound by restriction. Our forefathers have fought long battles so that everyone would live a free life. If there is no freedom, then the person will not develop into a mature and fearless being and perhaps may be aggressive to society. To illustrate this, many convicts who have been booked for petty crimes, after serving in confinement become more aggresive and commit more henious crimes later on. Hence, it is necessary for teens to be given their own freedom. Furthermore, People of young ages, particulary teens are adventurous in nature hence will venture out at night without permission of their guardians. Our modern society should understand their nature and should have tight patrols in nights for their protection, since there might be some time that a kid would be in unfavorable situation. For example, one of my cousin's kid went out at night for a party with his friend, but while coming back to home he fell into a ditch. Since his leg got hurt, he could not come out. but fortunately a patrolling policeman heard his cry and saved him from ditch. So, it is necessary to have proper police protection in spite of curfew. In a nutshell, a curfew is not needed in developed society such as America. To encourage maturity and fearlessness young ones should be given freedom to explore and enjoy their lives. And for their protection, a proper police function at nights is required.
Various conflicts are going around the world, due to which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
Possible spelling mistake found.
impose sactions
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their safety.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
imposed sanctions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after dawn is acceptable.
However
, I disagree the above line of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that infringes the right of freedom and better police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nights
will solve the problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
be bound
by restriction. Our forefathers have fought long battles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everyone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a free life. If there is no freedom, then the person will not develop into a mature and fearless being and perhaps may be aggressive to society. To illustrate this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
convicts who have
been booked
for petty crimes, after serving in confinement become more
Possible spelling mistake found.
aggresive
and commit more
Possible spelling mistake found.
henious
crimes later on.
Hence
, it is necessary for teens to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
freedom.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ages,
Possible spelling mistake found.
particulary
teens are adventurous in nature
hence
will venture out at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
without permission of their guardians. Our modern society should understand their nature and should have tight patrols in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nights
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
, since there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time that a kid would be in unfavorable situation.
For example
, one of my cousin's kid went out at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
for a party with his friend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
while coming back to home he fell into a ditch. Since his leg
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hurt, he could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
fortunately
a patrolling policeman heard his cry and saved him from ditch.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is necessary to have proper police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
curfew.

In a nutshell, a curfew is not needed in developed society such as America. To encourage maturity and fearlessness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to explore and enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. And for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
, a proper police function at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nights
is required
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay in some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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