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Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. 1
It is believed by some that viewing events like sports and the Olympics is a way of encouraging grown ups to perform regular exercise. While other sets of people do not agree but believe that exercising regularly can be performed through other means. In my opinion, I believe that creating awareness about exercise and increasing availability and accessibility of exercise facilities are more effective methods of encouraging exercising. On the one hand, people believe that watching events such as runnimg, swimming, on the televesion can help adults to exercise regularly because watching practical has always being an easy way to foster an habit in people. In other words, it is common fact that himans learn faster and are encouraged to perform an habit, or a new task when they see others doing it regularly. For example, as a result of frequent watching of swimmers swimming or athletes running during the Olympics, Mr Daniel has now inculcated these sporting activities into his free time. With continuous watching of these activities there is no doubt that one can easily pick up these habits and inadvertently begin to practise it. On the other hand, others believe that there are more effective ways to promote regular fitness activities and I agree because in order to ensure that people exercise regulary, awareness should be created about the benefits of exercising. That is, sensitization of the public about the health benefits of doing exercise is a very viable way to motivate them. Also, another way to ensure people work out on a more frequent basis is to make sporting facilities more accessible and available to them. This can be done by building sport centers close to residential areas and also encouraging employers to create gyms where their staff can access during break. These measures will effectively encourage individuals to exercise regularly and stay fit. To conclude, while people's opinions 1may vary, I believe that increasing increasing awareness about the benefits of regular exercise will go a long way in getting people to exercise.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that viewing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like sports and the Olympics is a way of encouraging
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
grown ups
to perform regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that exercising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
can
be performed
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that creating awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and increasing availability and accessibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities are more effective methods of encouraging exercising.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
runnimg
, swimming, on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
televesion
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
adults to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
watching practical has always being an easy way to foster
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
habit in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is common fact that
Possible spelling mistake found.
himans
learn faster and
are encouraged
to perform
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
habit, or a new task when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
others doing it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
.
For example
,
as a result
of frequent watching of swimmers swimming or athletes running during the Olympics, Mr Daniel has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
inculcated these sporting activities into his free time. With continuous watching of these activities there is no doubt that one can
easily
pick up these habits and
inadvertently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are more effective ways to promote regular fitness activities and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in order to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
Possible spelling mistake found.
regulary
, awareness should
be created
about the benefits of exercising.
That is
, sensitization of the public about the health benefits of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
viable way to motivate them.
Also
, another way to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work out on a more frequent basis is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sporting facilities more accessible and available to them. This can
be done
by building sport centers close to residential areas and
also
encouraging employers to create gyms where their staff can access during break. These measures will
effectively
encourage individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
and stay fit.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinions 1may vary, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
Possible typo: you repeated a word
increasing increasing
awareness about the benefits of regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will go a long way in getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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