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In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.33

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 33
Night curfew is imposed on the US adolescents, whom it is obligatory to be indoors, except accompanied by a mature or grown up. In my view, this is the safest way to protect them from juvenile crime as well as from paedophile and miscreant traps. To begin with, this curfew initiates child safety and prevents them falling for juvenile crime, particularly which are done under the cover of darkness. For example, the drug dealers target their new customers during the night. If youngsters are lonely, they are more likely to fall for it without realising the severe consequences of their actions. They may start using it out of curiosity and sooner or later may become addicted. If teenagers are accompanied by an adult, they will not drink and drive, also criminals are less likely to approach them. Therefore, keeping adolescents confined to their homes throughout the night is beneficial. On the other hand, despite imposing night curfew on teenagers is beneficial in many ways, some people think it is humiliating and violation of human rights. For instance, the US social workers opposed such curfews and claimed that children should not to be forbidden by law, because it is like a criminal treatment. Such people voiced their opinion to increase patrols in areas, where paedophile and miscreant are more likely to trap juveniles, and instead of locking teens indoor and snatching away their freedom, make streets crime free. In my view, while cities are made crime free, it is better to impose a night curfew on children to keep them safe and sound. In conclusion, although some find it harmful, it is the safest approach to prevent teenagers from crime which is purposely done in the dark hours. Children are vulnerable and less likely to understand the difference between a good and bad company, hence it is best be accompanied by their parents or guardian.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
is imposed
on the US adolescents, whom it is obligatory to be indoors, except accompanied by a mature or grown up. In my view, this is the safest way to protect them from juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as well
as from
Possible spelling mistake. 'paedophile' is British English.
paedophile
and miscreant traps.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
initiates child safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them falling for juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
particularly
which
are done
under the cover of darkness.
For example
, the drug dealers target their new customers during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. If youngsters are lonely, they are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to fall for it without
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the severe consequences of their actions. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using it out of curiosity and sooner or later may become addicted. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are accompanied
by an adult, they will not drink and drive,
also
criminals are less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to approach them.
Therefore
, keeping adolescents confined to their homes throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
is beneficial.

On the other hand
, despite imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is humiliating and violation of human rights.
For instance
, the US social workers opposed such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfews
and claimed that children should not to
be forbidden
by law,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is like a criminal treatment. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
voiced their opinion to increase patrols in areas, where
Possible spelling mistake. 'paedophile' is British English.
paedophile
and miscreant are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to trap juveniles, and
instead
of locking teens indoor and snatching away their freedom,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
streets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
free. In my view, while cities
are made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
free, it is better to impose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
on children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them safe and sound.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
find it harmful, it is the safest approach to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which is
purposely
done in the dark hours. Children are vulnerable and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to understand the difference between a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
hence
it is best
be accompanied
by their parents or guardian.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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