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Topic: Nowadays, more people would rather purchase food than cook at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v.1

Topic: Nowadays, more people would rather purchase food than cook at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1
In recent years, many people prefer to buy food instead of cooking for themselves. This behaviour has its pros and cons, which will be explained in this essay. On the one hand, foods that can be bought is becoming increasingly popular among people of all class due to some reasons such as its affordability, how fast it can be gotten and the availability of a wide range on varieties to choose from. For example, with £2, I was able to buy a meal of chicken wings and chips but O needed about £5 to cook myself a decent meal. Thus, the advantages of purchasing food, as opposed to home cooking is obvious. On the other hand, the hygiene in the process of fast food preparation is questionable, as it can often be compromised, since the aim of fast food businesses is to meet the demands of as many customers as possible. Research has also shown that there is a highly reduced health benefits levels in processed foods. For example, oils with high levels of bad cholesterol are sometimes used. Furthermore, some of the ingredients would have been stored for a long time? Which could be beyond its expiry date. As these practices cannot be readily controlled, it can be seen that the purchase of meals is disadvantageous. To conclude, while packaged food is gaining more acceptance in the society, it is worth to that despite its benefits include the fact that it is cheaper, faster and provides varieties, It also has some drawbacks. This includes compromised hygiene and health values.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of cooking for themselves. This
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has its pros and cons, which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in this essay.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
is becoming
increasingly
popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons such as its affordability, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
it can
be gotten
and the availability of a wide range on varieties to choose from.
For example
, with £2, I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a meal of chicken wings and chips
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
O needed about £5 to cook myself a decent meal.
Thus
, the advantages of purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, as opposed to home cooking is obvious.

On the other hand
, the hygiene in the process of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
preparation is questionable, as it can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
be compromised
, since the aim of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
businesses is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demands of as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
customers as possible. Research has
also
shown that there is a
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
health benefits levels in processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
For example
, oils with high levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
cholesterol are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Furthermore
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
ingredients would have
been stored
for a long time?
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
could be beyond its expiry date. As these practices cannot be
readily
controlled, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of meals is disadvantageous.

To conclude
, while packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is gaining more acceptance in the society, it is worth to that despite its benefits include the fact that it is cheaper, faster and provides varieties, It
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. This includes compromised hygiene and health values.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Topic: Nowadays, more people would rather purchase food than cook at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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