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Some people say the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal on public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. Discuss both views and give tour own opinion. v.1

Some people say the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal on public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. v. 1
The habit of smoking is a personal choice for adults. However, smoking publicly has been frowned at. While a few people think creating laws against public smoking is enough to stop the act, others believe there should be alternative methods for this and i stand with the latter opinion. On one hand, if a policy is made against smoking in an open place, many people will abide by the rule. This should be strongly backed up with penalties for defaulters. These penalties may include a fine, a few days detention or forced rehabilitation. Drinking bars and lounges should be obligated to have this notice placed in strategic positions in and round their business places, to remind their customers that smoking is not allowed. Nevertheless, other methods can be used to increase awareness, as well as foster adherence to the no-public-smoking rule. Higher institutions and religious houses can offer counselling sections for smoking addicts, and classes to teach health, self value, and respect for other people. This will make people understand the health dangers of smoking, for both the smoker and the people around the smoker. The government can also hike the price of cigarettes, to discourage its purchase. Continuous awareness should be given to the masses by the government. For example, frequent announcement on all media platforms. All of these methods will increase the probability of eradicating public smoking. In conclusion, I believe that even though illegalising public smoking can reduce people's indulgence in it, it is not a strong enough factor to totally eradicate this behaviour. Therefore, other ways such advertisements, counselling from universities, as well as religious homes, etc. Should be included to ensure a better result.
The habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is a personal choice for adults.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
publicly
has
been frowned
at. While a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creating laws against public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the act, others believe there should be alternative methods for this and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
stand with the latter opinion.

On one hand, if a policy
is made
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in an open place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will abide by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. This should be
strongly
backed up with penalties for defaulters. These penalties may include a fine, a few days detention or forced rehabilitation. Drinking bars and lounges should
be obligated
to have this notice placed in strategic positions in and round their business places, to remind their customers that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to increase awareness,
as well
as foster adherence to the no-public-smoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. Higher institutions and religious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
can offer counselling sections for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
addicts, and classes to teach health, self value, and respect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, for both the smoker and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the smoker. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
also
hike the price of cigarettes, to discourage its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. Continuous awareness should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the masses by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
For example
, frequent announcement on all media platforms. All of these methods will increase the probability of eradicating public smoking.

In conclusion
, I believe that
even though
Possible spelling mistake. 'illegalising' is British English.
illegalising
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's indulgence in it, it is not a strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
factor to
totally
eradicate this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways such advertisements, counselling from universities,
as well
as religious homes, etc. Should
be included
to ensure a better result.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people say the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal on public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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