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In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.4

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 4
In some parts of the US, adolescents are not allowed to be outside their home after a certain hour of the night if they are not accompanied by an adult. In my opinion, this is justified because adolescents are too young to keep themselves safe and secure at all times. Hence, it's essential for them to be accompanied in order to ensure their safety and prevent them from getting involved in some detrimental activities. Adolescents in general love to live life like free birds. The safety of the child is of paramount importance for any parent and in some areas of the US, this is often compromised during late nights. Firstly, as per the statistics, some localities and areas have a higher crime rate than others. The miscreants and paedophiles operate at night after a particular time; hence, in such cases, it is advisable and sensible that teenagers who are naive and sometimes volatile in their interactions with such criminals are accompanied by an adult to deter the crime and mishap.  In addition, some areas are prone to accident mainly due to the movement of heavy vehicles, so an adult’s presence and their driving experience prevents adolescents from any accidental hazards. Moreover, there are many anti-social groups that operate during night and try to entice the young teenagers into activities that are detrimental for them such as, drugs and alcohol consumption. The presence of an adult or a parent dissuades them in approaching the teenager and hence prevents them from getting involved in activities that are baneful for them as an individual, as well as has harmful effects on the society and the community. In conclusion, it is pivotal for a teenager’s safety and holistic growth without any interruption that they are accompanied by an adult after a certain time of the night; hence the 'curfew' is rightly justified.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the US, adolescents are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be outside their home after a certain hour of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
if they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accompanied
by an adult. In my opinion, this
is justified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
adolescents are too young to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves safe and secure at all times.
Hence
, it's essential for them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accompanied
in order to ensure their safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from getting involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental activities.

Adolescents
in general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life like free birds. The safety of the child is of paramount importance for any parent and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas of the US, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
compromised during late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nights
.
Firstly
, as per the statistics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
localities and areas have a higher crime rate than others. The miscreants and
Possible spelling mistake. 'paedophiles' is British English.
paedophiles
operate at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
after a particular time;
hence
, in such cases, it is advisable and sensible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who are naive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
volatile in their interactions with such criminals are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accompanied
by an adult to deter the crime and mishap.  
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas are prone to accident
mainly
due to the movement of heavy vehicles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
an adult’s presence and their driving experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
adolescents from any accidental hazards.

Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
anti-social groups that operate during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and try to entice the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
into activities that are detrimental for them such as, drugs and alcohol consumption. The presence of an adult or a parent dissuades them in approaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
and
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from getting involved in activities that are baneful for them as an individual,
as well
as has harmful effects on the society and the community.

In conclusion
, it is pivotal for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager’s
safety and holistic growth without any interruption that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accompanied
by an adult after a certain time of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
;
hence
the 'curfew' is
rightly
justified.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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