Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In rich countries, any additional wealth won’t make people happier. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In rich countries, any additional wealth won’t make people happier. v. 1
Second source of income is always considered important, because the circumstances may change abruptly. It does not depend on the person financial conditions if he or she is financially strong or not, they are always advised to have an alternative source of earnings. I completely disagree with the statement that additional wealth will not make people happier in advanced countries. Many people in developed countries rely on salary income which comes after certain deductions. They spend their lives on such incomes, however, if they are either ill or unable to work, then they are not a position to spend their lives happily. However, if additional investments are made from savings, then they have no tension for their families and themselves. That’s why people are always encouraged to leave a certain portion of the earnings, for investments to create an additional source of income. For instance, many people in rich countries have either made investments in capital markets or in small businesses to keep themselves ready for unexpected circumstances. However, certain people believe that this is not always true as the expenses are very high that do not leave any amount for creating any additional income. They spend most of the income on unnecessary things which unable to them to save. That’s why it is always suggested to not save after spending, always first save and then spend. But this is all about management, like there are certain people exist in this world who have a very low income, but they have managed their expenses in such a way which left the a moderate amount of money for saving to keep them happy in adverse situations. In conclusion, though some people say that additional income do not make people happy, however, it’s all about the a person’s financial situation if he or she manages his finances in such a way which left him or her with a significant amount for investment, this would certainly keep him or her happy.
Second source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is always considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the circumstances may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
abruptly
. It does not depend on the person financial conditions if he or she is
financially
strong or not, they are always advised to have an alternative source of earnings. I completely disagree with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
wealth will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happier in advanced countries.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
rely on salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
deductions. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incomes
,
however
, if they are either ill or unable to work, then they are not a position to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
happily
.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
are made
from savings, then they have no tension for their families and themselves. That’s why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always encouraged to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
portion of the earnings, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
to create an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in rich countries have either made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
in capital markets or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves ready for unexpected circumstances.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this is not always true as the expenses are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high that do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
any amount for creating any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
on unnecessary things which unable to them to save. That’s why it is always suggested to not save after spending, always
first
save and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this is all about management, like there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exist in this world who have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have managed their expenses in such a way which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
moderate amount of money for saving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them happy in adverse situations.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy,
however
, it’s all about
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
person’s financial situation if he or she manages his finances in such a way which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
him or her with a significant amount for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
, this would
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
him or her happy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In rich countries, any additional wealth won’t make people happier. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts