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08 11 2017 Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier Do you agree or disagree with this statement Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own kno v.2

08 11 2017 Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier 2
Many aver the happiness of citizens of a developed country will not increase even if state’s economic wealth keeps growing steadily. I agree with this prospect and below the reasons on which my stance is based will be discussed in details. Firstly, if the results of economic growth are shared equally among folks, the feeling of joyfulness may not be affected by the additional gain because the standards of living in the country are already high and alterations in the quality of life are not seen as important or even desirable. To illustrate, a person is paid three thousand dollars per month and he spends monthly ten hundred dollars on living; consequently, the additional increase in his salary will mean that more money will be put on a bank account. Secondly, those who inhabit prosperous countries frequently have had all needed conditions for having a decent life since they had been born. Interestingly, psychological and sociological studies that were conducted in Germany, Spain, Italy, Norway, France and Japan indicate the majority of citizens in those states are unhappy; moreover, the researchers manage to demonstrate that an economic growth does not lead to feeling joy. The scientists speculate the absence of a necessity to fight for resources and to struggle to achieve goals makes lives of the interviewees purposeless and meaningless; those emotions create unhappiness. Finally, in some rich countries, the results of an economic success are not distributed among people fairly. Sometimes, the additional resources are being focused in hands and pockets of a small group of elite and this situation creates a chasm between the wealthy and the rest of the population; and those who do get nothing become unhappy and dissatisfied. The current political situation in the UK and the USA with regular riots and protests may exemplify this claim nicely. In my opinion, growing wealth in already rich country will not make people happier but could fill their lives with discontent and negative feelings, in particular, if the results of the growth are not allocated equally among citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aver the happiness of citizens of a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will not increase even if state’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
wealth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
growing
steadily
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this prospect and below the reasons on which my stance
is based
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Firstly
, if the results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth
are shared
equally
among folks, the feeling of joyfulness may not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the additional gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the standards of living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are already high and alterations in the quality of life are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or even desirable. To illustrate, a person
is paid
three thousand dollars per
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
month and
he spends monthly ten hundred dollars on living;
consequently
, the additional increase in his salary will mean that more money will
be put
on a bank account.

Secondly
, those who inhabit prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
frequently
have had all needed conditions for having a decent life since they had
been born
.
Interestingly
, psychological and sociological studies that
were conducted
in Germany, Spain, Italy, Norway, France and Japan indicate the majority of citizens in those states are unhappy;
moreover
, the researchers manage to demonstrate that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth does not lead to feeling joy. The scientists speculate the absence of a necessity to fight for resources and to struggle to achieve goals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the interviewees purposeless and meaningless; those emotions create unhappiness.

Finally
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the results of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
success are not distributed among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fairly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the additional resources are
being focused
in hands and pockets of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of elite and this situation creates a chasm between the wealthy and the rest of the population; and those who do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nothing become unhappy and dissatisfied. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
political situation in the UK and the USA with regular riots and protests may exemplify this claim
nicely
.

In my opinion, growing wealth in already rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could fill their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with discontent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings,
in particular
, if the results of the growth are not allocated
equally
among citizens
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay 08 11 2017 Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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