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08 11 2017 Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier Do you agree or disagree with this statement Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own kno v.1

08 11 2017 Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier 1
A high majority of employees could have some wellness problems because of not making any exercise or sportive activities. Nowadays, timelessness is the main problem of workers. When they find free time, many of them want to spend it with friends or family. Basically, working hours are from 9. 00 to 17. 00 in many companies and include a lunch hour from 12 to 13. Workers had to get up early to start their job at the time and they could spend all day at the same place. A monotonous day can be more tiring and take much energy during the day, even the work does not contain any hard things. These reasons make feel the employees that they need to have a rest as soon as arrive home. That is why many of them waste their free time by watching TV or in front of the computer. Therefore, the full-time workers become lazy in the long run. As a first solution, the big companies could create some sportive tournaments inside or between companies for the common sports branch. For example, basketball, volleyball, and football are the strongest team plays that help the workers for socializing. Moreover, some personal exercising courses like yoga, Pilates and fitness could be scheduled by companies for a little charge. In this way, employees can reach their sports center during the working hours or just after the work that would reduce the laziness. To summarise employees’ health problems which are caused by living without sport could be increased their companies support. They promote the workers to decrease the health problems by giving exercising areas.
A high majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wellness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not making any exercise or sportive activities. Nowadays, timelessness is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. When they find free time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them want to spend it with friends or family.

Basically
, working hours are from 9. 00 to 17. 00 in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and include a lunch hour from 12 to 13.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Workers
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their job at the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they could spend all day at the same place. A monotonous day can be more tiring and take much energy during the day, even the work does not contain any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
things. These reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
that they need to have a rest as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as arrive home.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them waste their free time by watching TV or in front of the computer.
Therefore
, the full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
become lazy in the long run.

As a
first
solution, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
could create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sportive tournaments inside or between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
for the common sports branch.
For example
, basketball, volleyball, and football are the strongest team plays that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
for socializing.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal exercising courses like yoga, Pilates and fitness could
be scheduled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
charge. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can reach their sports center during the working hours or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after the work that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the laziness.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which
are caused
by living without sport could
be increased
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
support. They promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to decrease the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by giving exercising areas.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay 08 11 2017 Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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