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Additional economic wealth happiness in rich countries. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Additional economic wealth happiness in rich countries. v. 1
Some people think that the growth of economy is likely to be a key role regarding the achievement of happy values, especially in developed countries. Meanwhile, I do believe that valuable economic is merely a part of satisfaction. It becomes apparent that the more prosperous each country builds, the more democracy each citizen enjoys. Rich countries which are unlikely to appear more dangerous criminals like murder and robbery bring the safe and higher quality life. It is no doubt that so terribly does lack of money cause that all residents concrete to earn much salaries with different methods as well as feeling nervous to carefully keep own properties. Some developed countries, especially those which are well-known as modern civilized areas, may have plenty of laughs and a long-time life. Consequently, its rich economy involves to joyful sentiment in a countries in general. On the one hand, it is true that there were a dose of factors affecting to the peacefulness and happiness of individual person such as friend and family. In fact, people do earn a love from parents, which is the carefulness without strings attached. It can be seen obviously that unconditional love is like a muscle, it needs a daily workout in spite of either less or more cash all around the world. Vietnam, for instance, can be seen as developing country that the percentage of happiness is the same as happy as the proportion of richer countries. In conclusion, generally economy development sees a tool to create the enjoyment in each wealth country. However, it is evident that there was a variety of sectors to boost the peacefulness and blessedness.
Some
people
think
that the growth of economy is likely to be a key role regarding the achievement of happy values,
especially
in developed
countries
. Meanwhile, I do believe that valuable economic is
merely
a part of satisfaction.

It becomes apparent that the more prosperous each
country
builds, the more democracy each citizen enjoys. Rich
countries
which are unlikely to appear more
dangerous
criminals like murder and robbery bring the safe and higher quality life. It is no doubt that
so
terribly
does lack of money cause that all residents concrete to earn
much
salaries with
different
methods
as well
as feeling nervous to
carefully
keep
own
properties.
Some
developed
countries
,
especially
those which are well-known as modern civilized areas, may have
plenty
of laughs and a long-time life.
Consequently
, its rich economy involves to joyful sentiment in a
countries
in general
.

On the one hand, it is true that there were a dose of factors affecting to the peacefulness and happiness of individual person such as friend and family. In fact,
people
do earn a
love
from parents, which is the carefulness without strings attached. It can be
seen
obviously
that unconditional
love
is like a muscle, it needs a daily workout
in spite of
either less or more cash all around the world. Vietnam,
for instance
, can be
seen
as developing
country
that the percentage of happiness is the same as happy as the proportion of richer countries.

In conclusion
,
generally
economy development
sees
a tool to create the enjoyment in each wealth
country
.
However
, it is evident that there was a variety of sectors to boost the peacefulness and blessedness.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Additional economic wealth happiness in rich countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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