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In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in large cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in large cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
The rise of crimes among young people is an urgent problem that need to be properly addressed. However, to find an effective solution, it is necessary to discover what has led to this happenning. In this essay, I will first examine the reasons for this and propose some possible measures to tackle the problem of rising youth crime. Perhaps the principal cause of high level of crime among young adults is the increased use of alcohol and drugs. Many big cities have suffered from the phenomenon of binge drinking by teenagers who lose control under the influence of alcohol and commit crimes. For example, it is a common sight of the streets in Vietnam to see fights breaking out outside pubs and nightclubs. At the same time, the rise in youth crime can also be linked part to the drug abuse. It is unfortunately the case that young people see drugs as cool and become addicted to them. This means that they may decide to resort to petty theft or other criminal acts in order to pay for their habit. There is a variety of solutions that governments and local councils could take to mitigate or eliminate these issues at the first place. One simple option would be that government should introduce a stricter system of penalties and punishments for those who break the law. This will surely be able to reduce the number of criminals among the young as it can acts as a deterrent and show dangerous law-breakers that their actions have negative consequences. However, I believe that improvements on education is the key solution to help to reduce criminal lifestyles among young people. If students are well-educated about the dangers of a life of crime, and what would happen to those who lead that kind of life, they will have to consider more about their actions and less likely to commit a crime. In conclusion, while there are more and more young offenders in cites due to the negative effects of alcohol and drugs, one approach governmets could take to address the youth crime is to educate young learners more effectively.
The rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
an urgent problem that need to be
properly
addressed.
However
, to find an effective solution, it is necessary to discover what has led to this
Possible spelling mistake found.
happenning
. In this essay, I will
first
examine the reasons for this and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible measures to tackle the problem of rising youth crime.

Perhaps the principal cause of high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults is the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of alcohol and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities have suffered from the phenomenon of binge drinking by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who lose control under the influence of alcohol and commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For example
, it is a common sight of the streets in Vietnam to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
fights breaking out outside pubs and nightclubs. At the same time, the rise in youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can
also
be linked
part to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse. It is unfortunately the case that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
as cool and become addicted to them. This means that they may decide to resort to petty theft or other criminal acts in order to pay for their habit.

There is a variety of solutions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and local councils could take to mitigate or eliminate these issues at the
first
place. One simple option would be that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce a stricter system of penalties and punishments for those who break the law. This will
surely
be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of criminals among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
as it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "act"
acts
as a deterrent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
law-breakers that their actions have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
However
, I believe that improvements on education is the key solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
criminal lifestyles among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If students are well-educated about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of a life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, and what would happen to those who lead that kind of life, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider more about their actions and less likely to commit a crime.

In conclusion
, while there are more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders in cites due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of alcohol and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, one approach
Possible spelling mistake found.
governmets
could take to address the youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
learners more
effectively
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in large cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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