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In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by youngpeople in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by youngpeople in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
It must be accepted that nowadays, there has been a significant increase in episodes of offences committed by the young especially in the urban areas. This is a fearful situation. There are many reasons for such a situation; however, a few productive suggestions can solve the situation to a large extent. The causes and the measures are discussed further. Examining the reasons, the most common is to live up and enjoy the glamour of the big city. It has been observed that young people get easily obsessed with all the pleasures of urban life such as the discos, the clubs and other fun attractions. For this they need money and so to earn fast bucks, they commit a crime. The other prime reason is drugs and alcohol. Commit crime out of a strong desire to fulfil their habits. Poverty and unemployment in this age group are other driving forces for the offences. However, a few measures can really help to overcome the situation. The most important step is to keep strict vigilance at public places and place of entertainment. Closed circuit cameras, more police force, special police patrolling at night, for instance, can effectively help to reduce criminal activities. Another suggestion is to try and bifurcate the youth energy constructively, by organizing events such as dance competitions, treasure hunts, marathons and other fulfilled activities. Creating more part-time jobs and raising education level among young people can also help in a large way to reduce crime by the young. All in all, it can be said that certainly there are swelling numbers of crime in the meteors and cities. To live up to the glamour and earn fast money – young people commit a crime. However, strict vigilance and bifurcating youth energy can help remedy the situation. I believe, this debate must be considered on a serious note.
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that nowadays, there has been a significant increase in episodes

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
committed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
especially
in the urban areas. This is a fearful situation.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
;
however
, a few productive suggestions can solve

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
to a large extent. The causes and the measures
are discussed
further
.

Examining the reasons, the most common is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up and enjoy the glamour of the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
big
city. It has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
obsessed with all the pleasures of urban life such as the discos, the clubs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fun attractions. For this they need
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
money


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
bucks, they commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
prime reason is drugs and alcohol.

Commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
out of a strong desire to fulfil their habits. Poverty and unemployment in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
this


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
age
group are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
driving forces for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.

However
, a few measures can
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. The
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
most


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
important
step is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
strict vigilance at public places and place of entertainment. Closed

circuit cameras, more police force, special police patrolling at night,
for instance
, can

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
effectively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
criminal activities. Another suggestion is to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
bifurcate
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


youth energy
constructively
, by organizing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as dance competitions, treasure hunts,

marathons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fulfilled activities. Creating more part-time jobs and raising
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
education


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
level
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
Consider replacing "in a large way" with the adverb for "large"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a large way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by the young.

All in all, it can
be said
that
certainly
there are swelling numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
meteors
and cities. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to the glamour and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
money
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
, strict vigilance and bifurcating youth energy can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
remedy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. I

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
believe
, this debate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
on a serious note.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by youngpeople in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
19 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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