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In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by the young in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by the young in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
There has been an increasing involvement of young people in illegality in many urban areas. It is necessary to take the cause of this problem into consideration in order to find appropriate solutions. To commence with, one contributing factor for the rise in youth crime is the negative impacts of social networking on teenage behaviours. Many studies have shown that violent video game players are more likely to be aggressive and get involved in bullying others. Another cause of juvenile delinquency is the considerable consumption of drugs and alcohol among teenagers. Excessive drinking causes the young to lose control; therefore, they solve their arguments by violence or commit other alcohol-related crimes such as robbery, sexual assault or driving under the influence. According to the Youth Lifestyle Survey, binge drinking among at the age of 18 and 24 is related to offending behaviour. There are a number of solutions that could be implemented to tackle this problem. Firstly, it is essential that government enforce rigorous laws of using alcohol and severe punishment on young criminals. For instance, young people in the United States cannot consume alcohol or beer until they reach the age of 21. Secondly, investment needs to be made in teenager's education about the dangers of breaking the law. Moreover, adults are responsible for providing their children some useful knowledge of using social networks effectively and proper behaviour in some certain circumstances. In conclusion, the negative effect of technology and the increased use of alcohol and drugs are the reasons for juvenile delinquency in cities. To deter adolescents from committing crimes, education and strict regulations would be the most effective resolutions.
There has been an increasing involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in illegality in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
urban areas. It is necessary to take the cause of this problem into consideration in order to find appropriate solutions.

To commence with, one contributing factor for the rise in youth crime is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of social networking on teenage
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
studies have shown that violent video game players are more likely to be aggressive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in bullying others. Another cause of juvenile delinquency is the considerable consumption of drugs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Excessive drinking causes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to lose control;
therefore
, they solve their arguments by violence or commit other alcohol-related crimes such as robbery, sexual assault or driving under the influence. According to the Youth Lifestyle Survey, binge drinking among at the age of 18 and 24
is related
to offending
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

There are a number of solutions that could
be implemented
to tackle this problem.
Firstly
, it is essential that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
enforce rigorous laws of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and severe punishment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
criminals.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the United States cannot consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
or beer until they reach the age of 21.
Secondly
, investment needs to
be made
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's education about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of breaking the law.
Moreover
, adults are responsible for providing their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful knowledge of using social networks
effectively
and proper
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain circumstances.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of technology and the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and drugs are the reasons for juvenile delinquency in cities. To deter adolescents from committing crimes, education and strict regulations would be the most effective resolutions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by the young in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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