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In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v.3

In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v. 3
Nowadays, the altering of the structure of a family and the responsibility its members have been receiving a great deal of public attention. There are some important changes that have taken place and I believe that these changes would have both benefits and drawbacks. Families at present have undergone two main differences compared to the past. In terms of family size, since the cost of living has risen considerably and this prevents people from having too many children, the number of members in modern families is less and less. In fact, these days, nuclear families and one-person households are becoming increasingly popular instead of the previous family structures which three or four generations lived under the same roof a few decades ago. Regarding the responsibility of family members, by having more opportunities to gain qualifications and pursue their own careers, no longer do present time women have to take care only the job of homemaker. This means that, there is not only man, but also women could take the role of primary breadwinner, therefore family financial burdens are now shared by both fathers and mothers. In my opinion, those changes would have positive as well as negative consequences. The major benefit is children of small families are given better education opportunities. Many children have the chance to study abroad and gain international qualifications, which would ensure them a better job after graduation. However, working parents are now too busy to take care of their offspring. Without parental care and guidance, children may suffer from various problems, ranging from autism to bad behaviours. Some children even engage in criminal activities such as illegal drug use or unlawful gambling which may ruin their future. In conclusion, there are several changes in family structure and role of its members and I would argue that these changes are both beneficial and detrimental.
Nowadays, the altering of the structure of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the responsibility its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
have been receiving a great deal of public attention. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
that have taken place and I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
would have both benefits and drawbacks.

Families at present have undergone two main differences compared to the past. In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
size, since the cost of living has risen
considerably
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from having too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is less and less. In fact, these days, nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and one-person households are becoming
increasingly
popular
instead
of the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structures which three or four generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
under the same roof a few decades ago. Regarding the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, by having more opportunities to gain qualifications and pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers, no longer do present time women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the job of homemaker. This means that, there is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
women could take the role of primary breadwinner,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financial burdens are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
shared by both fathers and mothers.

In my opinion, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. The major benefit is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
better education opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the chance to study abroad and gain international qualifications, which would ensure them a better job after graduation.
However
, working parents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
too busy to take care of their offspring. Without parental care and guidance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may suffer from various problems, ranging from autism to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
even engage in criminal activities such as illegal drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
or unlawful gambling which may ruin their future.

In conclusion
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure and role of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and I would argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are both beneficial and detrimental.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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