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In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v.2

In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v. 2
It is true that the family patterns and roles of each family member have significantly altered over the last decades in many parts of the world. Personally, I believe these trends bring more desirable outcomes than its drawbacks. On the one hand, the way how a modern family is structured can be different from the past. Large, extended families, which is the once prevalent type of households, have given way for smaller, nuclear ones. In other words, people no longer live under the same roof with their distant relatives or grandparents as they did 50 years ago. Instead, they enjoy more private space with their children while trying to catch up with their relatives from time to time. Besides, the last century has also witnessed changes in the roles that parents play in their households. While males were the breadwinners in the past, today’s family is enjoying financial support from both working parents, which means females have an equal role to play in aiding their family and in the labour market. However, these changes yield fruitful results for family and society. Firstly, with the rise of nuclear family units, the pressure of supporting other family members other than their child could be lifted off their shoulders. This means they can be more focused on growing and raising their offspring. With regards to changes in parents’ roles, this helps to free women from the role of just stay-at-home moms and give them the opportunity to pursue their own careers. By doing this, society could enjoy more contributions and talents from the weaker sex and greater gender equality. In conclusion, family and women, in particular, have benefited from the rise of widely dispersed families and women’s increasing roles in the world of work.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
patterns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member have
significantly
altered over the last decades in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world.
Personally
, I believe these trends bring more desirable outcomes than its drawbacks.

On the one hand, the way how a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is structured
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the past. Large, extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which is the once prevalent type of households, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
way for smaller, nuclear ones.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under the same roof with their distant relatives or grandparents as they did 50 years ago.
Instead
, they enjoy more private space with their children while trying to catch up with their relatives from time to time.
Besides
, the last century has
also
witnessed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
that parents play in their households. While males were the breadwinners in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is enjoying financial support from both working parents, which means females have an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to play in aiding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.

However
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
yield fruitful results for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society.
Firstly
, with the rise of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
units, the pressure of supporting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members other than their child could
be lifted
off their shoulders. This means they can be more focused on growing and raising their offspring.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to free women from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay-at-home moms and give them the opportunity to pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers. By doing this, society could enjoy more contributions and talents from the
This expression can be considered offensive.
weaker sex
and greater gender equality.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and women,
in particular
, have benefited from the rise of
widely
dispersed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and women’s increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in the world of work.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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