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In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v.1

In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v. 1
The today’s world has now witnessed dramatic transformations in the role of family members. This essay will point out such changes and its impacts on different aspects of life. There are some changes that can be occurred and the most apparent one would be the duty of women. Their role has transformed beyond expectation due to the gender equality. They gain more respect because of their devotions to society and they play an essential role in covering the basic expenditures of their families. Compared to the past, where stay-at-home females were common, they received almost no appreciation and even their contributions were downplayed in some Asian countries. However, the fact that both parents working cause harmfully to the development of children. This is because some of them seem to trap with the races to meet the social norm such as valued properties and social recognition. In order to accommodate such values, they ought to fully devote in an intense schedule, leading to further sacrifices of quality time with their kids for the exchange of their social status. Another change might be the male's responsibility in family. They used to be breadwinners and they had no intension of doing domestic chores, dated back to a nearly century ago. But they are more openminded and tend to support their wives in terms of cooking or household work. That change in their attitudes towards gender equality will relieve the depression of most Asian women. Apart from that, children can mature both physically and spiritually with their parents, which is rarely happened in the past where their fathers had to work intensively to cover their basic needs. In conclusion, the role division is increasingly popular these days and brings about both positives and negatives. From my perspective, I do believe that the drawbacks will be outweighed in the long run.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
witnessed dramatic transformations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of family members. This essay will point out such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and its impacts on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of life.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
that can
be occurred
and the most apparent one would be the duty of women. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
has transformed beyond expectation due to the gender equality. They gain more respect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their devotions to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they play an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in covering the basic expenditures of their families. Compared to the past, where stay-at-home females were common, they received almost no appreciation and even their contributions
were downplayed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian countries.
However
, the fact that both parents working cause
harmfully
to the development of children. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them seem to trap with the races to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the social norm such as valued properties and social recognition. In order to accommodate such values, they ought to
fully
devote in an intense schedule, leading to
further
sacrifices of quality time with their kids for the exchange of their social status.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
might be the male's responsibility in family. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
breadwinners and
they had no
Possible spelling mistake found.
intension
of doing domestic chores, dated back to a
You used an adverb ('nearly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('century') instead of another adjective.
nearly century
ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
openminded
and tend to support their wives in terms of cooking or household work. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in their attitudes towards gender equality will relieve the depression of most Asian women. Apart from that, children can mature both
physically
and
spiritually
with their parents, which is rarely happened in the past where their fathers had to work
intensively
to cover their basic needs.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
division is
increasingly
popular these days and brings about both positives and negatives. From my perspective, I do believe that the drawbacks will
be outweighed
in the long run.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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