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In recent years terrorism in Pakistan has increased. What are the possible causes and solutions to this? v.1

In recent years terrorism in Pakistan has increased. What are the possible causes and solutions to this? v. 1
Terrorism is now a worldwide phenomenon. It has spread its ugly tentacles over many countries – Pakistan is one of them. It seems like the entire mankind is living under the shadow of fear. At present, it’s the gravest problem faced by Pakistan. It shows its ugly head in face of kidnapping, assassination of prominent personalities, bomb blasts, target killing and indiscriminate shooting down of innocent people. The root causes of escalated terrorism are numerous – illiteracy, poverty, unemployment, wrong interpretations of Islamic concepts like Jihad, and huge inequality and disparity among the society. There are some other sources which state that it’s a repercussion of proxy war in Afghanistan, or it’s supported and funded by foreign agencies to destabilise Pakistan, in order to capture its nukes. Pakistan is a heterogeneous society where sectarianism, religious fanaticism, and intolerance are some other root causes. Terrorist’s attitude shows that they do not believe in negotiations. So it’s important to tackle them with iron hands because terrorism is destroying our society at every level whether it’s political, social, economic, or psychological. It does not only obstruct economic development but now people are even intimidated into leaving their homes. Overall, society is bearing a high level of fear, stress and insecurity. It’s difficult to hunt them down as they keep changing their hideouts. But if we want to combat terrorism the government must try to bridge the gulf of disparity among all provinces, promote education and employment and built infrastructure. The government also needs to clearly state its policies to deal with terrorists and anti-terrorism squads and agencies along with society must work together to eradicate this menace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Terrorism
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a worldwide phenomenon. It has spread its ugly tentacles over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Pakistan is one of them. It seems like the entire mankind is living under the shadow of fear.

At present, it’s the gravest problem faced by Pakistan. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
its ugly head in face of kidnapping, assassination of prominent personalities, bomb blasts, target killing and indiscriminate shooting down of innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The root causes of escalated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terrorism
are numerous
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
illiteracy, poverty, unemployment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
interpretations of Islamic concepts like Jihad, and huge inequality and disparity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sources which state that it’s a repercussion of proxy war in Afghanistan, or it’s supported and funded by foreign agencies to
Possible spelling mistake. 'destabilise' is British English.
destabilise
Pakistan, in order to capture its nukes. Pakistan is a heterogeneous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
where sectarianism, religious fanaticism, and intolerance are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other root causes.

Terrorist’s attitude
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they do not believe in negotiations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to tackle them with iron hands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terrorism
is destroying our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
at every level whether it’s political, social, economic, or psychological. It does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
obstruct economic development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are even intimidated into leaving their homes.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is bearing a high level of fear,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and insecurity.

It’s difficult to hunt them down as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
changing their hideouts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if we want to combat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
terrorism
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to bridge the gulf of disparity among all provinces, promote education and employment and built infrastructure. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
needs to
clearly
state its policies to deal with terrorists and anti-terrorism squads and agencies along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work together to eradicate this menace.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years terrorism in Pakistan has increased. What are the possible causes and solutions to this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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