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Crime rate in teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries in recent years. What are the causes, and what are the solutions? v.1

Crime rate in teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries in recent years. What are the causes, and what are the solutions? v. 1
The percentage of teenage criminals have recently gone up drastically in various nations. There are several causes of this matter, and effective solutions might be proposed in order to deal with this high rate. The exponential growth of teenagers crime rate has happened because of some reasons. Nowadays, there are so many violent movies, and inappropriate TV shows that are on air daily. As a result, the children tend to follow and intimate those wrong actions in real life. For example, they can easily bully their classmates after watching a related film. Secondly, busy and stressful life has dragged parents away from their families. This leads to lack of necessary cares for the children, especially for someone who is struggling with their puberties. Consequently, teenagers might ignite bad behaviours in order to draw attention. Therefore, several solutions are needed to propose to tackle this issue. The first solution would be for the government to limit or ban uneducated and unstable entertaining programs. This can be done by putting specific regulations on the contents of which can be shown publicly on TV. Furthermore, in a smaller scale, it is also necessary for parents to reconsider and balance their work lives. For example, they can spend time taking their children for weekend vacations, talking to them about their days at school…As a result, teenagers gain their feelings of being taken care of and live more responsibly. In conclusion, the dramatic change in the proportion of teenage criminals is caused by some elements, and the government as well as individuals should come up with effective solutions to seriously address this matter.
The percentage of teenage criminals
Did you mean "has"?
have
recently gone up
drastically
in various nations. There are several causes of this matter, and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
might
be proposed
in order to deal with this high rate.

The exponential growth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
crime rate has happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
violent movies, and inappropriate TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that are on air daily.
As a result
, the children tend to follow and intimate those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
actions in real life.
For example
, they can
easily
bully their classmates after watching a related film.
Secondly
, busy and stressful life has dragged parents away from their families. This leads to lack of necessary cares for the children,
especially
for someone who is struggling with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
puberties
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
might ignite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
in order to draw attention.

Therefore
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
are needed
to propose to tackle this issue. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
would be for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to limit or ban uneducated and unstable entertaining programs. This can
be done
by putting specific regulations on the contents of which can
be shown
publicly
on TV.
Furthermore
, in a smaller scale, it is
also
necessary for parents to reconsider and balance their work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, they can spend time taking their children for weekend vacations, talking to them about their days at school…
Add a space between sentences
As
a result,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
gain their feelings of
being taken
care of and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more
responsibly
.

In conclusion
, the dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the proportion of teenage criminals
is caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elements, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as individuals should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to
seriously
address this matter.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Crime rate in teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries in recent years. What are the causes, and what are the solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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