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These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.6

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 6
The traditional belief that men are breadwinners while women should take care of chores and up bring children is no longer true in the modern era. In many places, this convention has gone to a reverse way and an increasing number of women work outside and men stay at home. There are several reasons for this and I personally think that it is a positive trend. With the changes in social belief, more parents send their daughters for higher studies instead of preparing them for getting married and this enhances the capable and educated women workforce. In many fields, for example, telemarketing, teaching, fashion design, and banking, women are doing better than men and this has created a demand for female employees in the job market. The equal right movement has had a great impact on empowering women and this has become quite normal for mothers to work at offices while the fathers decide to stay at home to take care of their children. This decision is often based on mutual understanding of the couples and the one who has the higher earning potential decides to work to support the increasing expenses of the family. This has been socially accepted in most of the developed countries though some developing countries in Asia are yet to completely accept this trend. In my opinion, this trend has more positive outcomes and should be treated as a progress. If both genders do not work for hand in hand and do not get the equal opportunity, the real progress would be impossible. This ensures that we live in an era when both men and women have an equal opportunity and someone is not deprived of a great career or a big opportunity only because of her gender. It is a great chance that allows the parents to decide who to earn money for the family and who to take care of the family, not based on social and traditional belief. In conclusion, the changing roles in a family have been possible due to the great changes in social belief, advancement of women, especially in education and this is a very positive trend that eliminates the gender discrimination and advocates the equal rights.
The traditional belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are breadwinners while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should take care of chores and up bring children is no longer true in the modern era. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places, this convention has gone to a reverse way and an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outside and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
stay at home. There are several reasons for this and I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.

With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in social belief, more parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their daughters for higher studies
instead
of preparing them for getting married and this enhances the capable and educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
workforce. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields,
for example
, telemarketing, teaching, fashion design, and banking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are doing better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and this has created a demand for female employees in the job market. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
right movement has had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
impact on empowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and this has become quite normal for mothers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at offices while the fathers decide to stay at home to take care of their children. This decision is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
based on mutual understanding of the couples and the one who has the higher earning potential decides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to support the increasing expenses of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This has been
socially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
in Asia are
yet
to completely accept this trend.

In my opinion, this trend has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes and should
be treated
as
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "progress".
a progress
. If both genders do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for hand in hand and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
opportunity, the real progress would be impossible. This ensures that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an era when both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
opportunity and someone is not deprived of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
career or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
opportunity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her gender. It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
chance that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the parents to decide who to earn money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and who to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, not based on social and traditional belief.

In conclusion
, the changing roles in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have been possible due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in social belief, advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
especially
in education and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend that eliminates the gender discrimination and advocates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
rights.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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