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In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.3

In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 3
It is often argued that, in some countries of the globe, children nowadays do not have to shoulder responsibilities which their counterparts in previous generations had to bear. It is debated whether it has led to a good or adverse outcome in the children and society at large. In my opinion, this decreased responsibility for children has more merits than perils and over the course of the essay, I will try to give reasons for my opinion. It cannot be refuted that decreased burden on a child's tender shoulder has definite advantages. Firstly, it enables the child to enjoy the innocence and true essence of childhood where one is free from worldly worries. A recent survey conducted in the US clearly states that a happy childhood plays a pivotal role in shaping and moulding the personality of an individual. Secondly, the burden of financial responsibilities often robs the children of the basic right to education, which every child deserves. It can also be said that, in order to send for the family, children are often forced to quit their studies. This, in turn, severely hampers a child's progress and quality of life in the future. However, just as a coin has two sides, this trend of decreased responsibility on a child's shoulder has some disadvantages too. Primarily, in the absence of any responsibility, children often tend to have a laid-back attitude towards life. They are often unaware of the harsh realities of the world. For example, a child who has always received things on a platter, will not grow up to value the importance of money or hard work. Moreover, without any burden on their shoulders, children often goes in the wrong direction because an empty mind is a devil's workshop. For example, in a survey conducted in the UK, it was shown that 25% of drug addicts came from high-income families and have never struggled for anything in life. In conclusion, I personally believe that childhood should be free from responsibilities, especially financial ones. Therefore, I agree with the view that decreased responsibility of children in today's world definitely has a positive influence on a child's mind and bearing.
It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
argued that, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries of the globe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoulder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
which their counterparts in previous generations had to bear. It
is debated
whether it has led to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or adverse outcome in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and society at large. In my opinion, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has more merits than perils and over the course of the essay, I will try to give reasons for my opinion.

It cannot
be refuted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
burden on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoulder
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
advantages.
Firstly
, it enables the child to enjoy the innocence and true essence of childhood where one is free from worldly worries. A recent survey conducted in the US
clearly
states that a happy childhood plays a pivotal role in shaping and
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
the personality of an individual.
Secondly
, the burden of financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
robs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the basic right to education, which every child deserves. It can
also
be said
that, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
for the family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
forced to quit their studies. This, in turn,
severely
hampers a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
progress and quality of life in the future.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as a coin has two sides, this trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoulder
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages too.
Primarily
, in the absence of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
tend to have a laid-back attitude towards life. They are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
unaware of the harsh realities of the world.
For example
, a child who has always received things on a platter, will not grow up to value the importance of money or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Moreover
, without any burden on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoulders
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
goes in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an empty mind is a devil's workshop.
For example
, in a survey conducted in the UK, it
was shown
that 25% of drug addicts came from high-income families and have never struggled for anything in life.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that childhood should be free from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
,
especially
financial ones.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world definitely has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
mind and bearing.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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