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Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. v. 4
It is said that, at the commencement of elementary learning, teachers have greater influence more than the parents on the intellectual as well as social development of the children. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this idea, and this essay will further discuss how children pay more attention to tutors because of the fear and respect also how persons assigned to teach pupils help to mould their characters while developing socially. Firstly, at the onset of preschool, teachers inspire children to pay adequate attention interacting compared to their parents. This is because, more hours of the day are spent with the tutors, therefore creating a level of fear and respect. As a result of this, some form of discipline is instilled in the scholars which influences their reasoning intellectually. For instance, my niece, would not respond whenever she is being taught basic alphabets at home. As soon as she got enrolled in a school, she could recite a quarter of the alphabet without support accurately. Also, persons assigned to teach ensure good character images are emulated by students more than their parents do. This is due to the fact that, the tutors instruct these young scholars on composure, how to relate to fellow students, cleanliness as well as good manners. This might not be feasible with parents because of the familiarity. For example, while growing up, my class teacher took us through courses relating to manners and neatness and would thereafter choose the best behaved and neatest pupil by the end of the week. This motivated the students and soon became a culture to always appear neat and well mannered especially at social gatherings. To sum up, after the above analysis, it is clear that teachers have more impact on the lives of students more than their parents. Thus, ensuring they are well socially and intellectually developed.
It
is said
that, at the commencement of elementary learning,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have greater influence more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on the intellectual as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as social development of the children. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and this essay will
further
discuss how children pay more attention to tutors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fear and respect
also
how persons assigned to teach pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their characters while developing
socially
.

Firstly
, at the onset of preschool,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
inspire children to pay adequate attention interacting compared to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, more hours of the day
are spent
with the tutors,
therefore
creating a level of fear and respect.
As a result
of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of discipline
is instilled
in the scholars which influences their reasoning
intellectually
.
For instance
, my niece, would not respond whenever she is
being taught
basic alphabets at home. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
enrolled in a school, she could recite a quarter of the alphabet without support
accurately
.

Also
, persons assigned to teach ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character images
are emulated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do.
This is due to the fact that
, the tutors instruct these young scholars on composure, how to relate to fellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, cleanliness as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners. This might not be feasible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the familiarity.
For example
, while growing up, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
took us through courses relating to manners and neatness and would thereafter choose the best behaved and neatest pupil by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the week. This motivated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
became a culture to always appear neat and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well mannered
especially
at social gatherings.

To sum up, after the above analysis, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more impact on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Thus
, ensuring they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
socially
and
intellectually
developed.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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