Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some say that sprots play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both view, and give your opinion. v.1

Some say that sprots play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 1
It is a controversial issue as to whether sports are essential to the community, or, whether it is the best method of passing time. From my perspective, different types of games play a vital role in terrains as a whole rather than an entertaining task. To begin with, myriads of people consider games as a job, which should be done every day or at the weekend after regular works. This is because people become exhausted for maintaining daily routines. For example, in Japan, it is obligatory to each individual whether students or office workers, ought to spend time in sports clubs on Sunday and every holiday. As a result, it keeps their body active, which could, eventually, succour them to reduce corporal stress. Besides, sports provide stamina that might help minimize diseases such as heart attack, liver-related ailments et Cetra. Moreover, people spend a pleasure schedule with friends, relatives, and family during play various types of games such as cricket, football, volleyball, to name but a few. Thus, sports tasks, invariably, should be done regularly, which alleviates pressure from school life and factory works. In contrast, these days, sports activities have become the regular phenomenon in the society that tends to achieve plenty of goals for communities such as economic growth. For instance, when a renowned sports person plays for his teams, he must gain name and fame not only for his own but also for the nation. As a result, he earns lots of money, and the company, which sponsors him, gains profits as well. Furthermore, some other industries might take a famous player as a brand ambassador for their current products, which might have brought double profit to the organization. In this way, a developing company progressing chance becomes quadrupled in the long run, which plays a pivotal role in domestic pecuniary achievement. In conclusion, although people play sports for spending time, when they are inactive from households, or office-related activities, sports, in my opinion, are crucial for the area, because it helps in building profit to employers and employees as well, which shows the economic growth in society.
It is a controversial issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are essential to the community, or, whether it is the best method of passing time. From my perspective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital role in terrains as a whole
rather
than an entertaining task.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider games as a job, which should
be done
every day or at the weekend after regular works. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become exhausted for maintaining daily routines.
For example
, in Japan, it is obligatory to each individual whether students or office workers, ought to spend time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs on Sunday and every holiday.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
their body active, which could,
eventually
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
succour
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
corporal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide stamina that might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
minimize diseases such as heart attack, liver-related
Possible spelling mistake found.
ailments et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a pleasure schedule with friends, relatives, and family during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
various types of games such as cricket, football, volleyball, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tasks,
invariably
, should
be done
regularly
, which alleviates pressure from school life and factory works.

In contrast
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities have become the regular phenomenon in the society that tends to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of goals for communities such as economic growth.
For instance
, when a renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
for his teams, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
gain name and fame not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the nation.
As a result
, he earns lots of money, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which sponsors him, gains profits
as well
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other industries might take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
player as a brand ambassador for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
products, which might have brought double profit to the organization. In this way, a developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
progressing chance becomes quadrupled in the long run, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a pivotal role in domestic pecuniary achievement.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for spending time, when they are inactive from households, or office-related activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, in my opinion, are crucial for the area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in building profit to employers and employees
as well
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the economic growth in society.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that sprots play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts