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In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.4

In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 4
It is noticeable that young generations have been given more freedom than in the past in recent years, raising many questions of its significant impacts on young people’ future. Although the disadvantages associated with could be pronounced, this pattern culminates in more negative consequences. On the one hand, It should be acknowledged that this trend could be fraught with pitfalls, hampering children’s development. Giving children the autonomy without proper parental guidance means higher possibilities that their mind could be contaminated by their outside forces, reshaping their perceptions of the society. For example, young people could freely get access to violent and X-rated materials without the parental supervision, leading to some impairments in their mental health. Therefore, the likelihood of breeding the future offenders is inevitable. On the other hand, there are many positive impacts when it comes to children getting more freedom. First, Children would be given more discretion to experience the outside world and assimilate into the society. This acts as an incentive for their acquisition of life experience and especially independent skill, which are proved to the key to any individual’s success in the future. In addition, children could choose their lifestyle based on their personal preferences without being affected by the traditional beliefs and prejudices from the older ones. For instance, homosexual male children could express their true sexual orientation and personalities with no fear of old gender-role perceptions from old generations like those in the past. In conclusion, it is highly recommended that children should be given more autonomy for some advantages of life quality enhancement and free lifestyle. However, young children should discourage some negative factors which could perchance lead them to the path of crime commissions.
It is noticeable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more freedom than in the past in recent years, raising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions of its significant impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’ future. Although the disadvantages associated with could
be pronounced
, this pattern culminates in more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.

On the one hand, It should
be acknowledged
that this trend could be fraught with pitfalls, hampering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development. Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the autonomy without proper parental guidance means higher possibilities that their mind could
be contaminated
by their outside forces, reshaping their perceptions of the society.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
freely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to violent and X-rated materials without the parental supervision, leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impairments in their mental health.
Therefore
, the likelihood of breeding the future offenders is inevitable.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
getting more freedom.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more discretion to experience the outside world and assimilate into the society. This acts as an incentive for their acquisition of life experience and
especially
independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, which
are proved
to the key to any individual’s success in the future.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could choose their lifestyle based on their personal preferences without being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the traditional beliefs and prejudices from the older ones.
For instance
, homosexual male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could express their true sexual orientation and personalities with no fear of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
gender-role perceptions from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations like those in the past.

In conclusion
, it is
highly
recommended that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more autonomy for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of life quality enhancement and free lifestyle.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should discourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
factors which could perchance lead them to the path of crime commissions.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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