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In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or a negative development? v.1

In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1
The world is changing fast and so are the rules and the norms of society. When parents today compare their childhood with that of today’s children, they find that today’s children have more freedom than what they used to have. I believe this situation is largely positive. There are many advantages of children enjoying more freedom. They grow up quicker than their parents did. This produces more liberal, mature and adventurous adults, which obviously has an effect on society in the long run. Today’s children follow the global culture, which is the amalgamation of the good points of the various cultures of the world. Consequently, countries progress more rapidly because of this shedding of many traditional ways of doing things and becoming freer and more open societies. For example, in India, if today’s youngster wants a dowry free marriage, he will go ahead and have it against all odds, whereas earlier youngsters could not take a stand against it as it was considered customary. Furthermore, today’s children have the power of the Internet and the satellite TV in their hands. Today’s young generation is the most well informed generation than ever in the history of mankind. They know what their parents and grandparents do not know. They have oceans of opportunities in front of them, which they want to explore. They adopt careers of their choice and do not hesitate walking on the untrodden path. They are not afraid of taking risks. For example, earlier children were pressurized by their parents to take up medical, non-medical or commerce streams, but today’s children are going into computer animation, computer gaming and other fields, which were unheard of before. On the other hand, sometimes this freedom can be detrimental for children. They like maturity and fail to see the far-reaching consequences of their actions. It is also the time when teens make mistakes and need someone there to guide them understand what went wrong, take a step backward, analise, and again take a step forward. Freedoms should come in small steps so that the teens are ready to move forward having proven their ability to handle each small movement. Too much freedom can end them in bad company and also drugs. To sum up, it can be reiterated that freedom enjoyed by children is, by and large, a good thing, but the onus is on the parents to prepare them for this in small steps, so that the negative side of this excess freedom does not go against them.
The world is changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and the norms of society. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
compare their childhood with that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they find that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
than what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have. I believe this situation is
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
. They grow up quicker than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did. This produces more liberal, mature and adventurous adults, which
obviously
has an effect on society in the long run.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow the global culture, which is the amalgamation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
points of the various cultures of the world.
Consequently
, countries progress more
rapidly
because of this
shedding of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional ways of doing things and becoming freer and more open societies.
For example
, in India, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
youngster wants a dowry free marriage, he will go ahead and have it against all odds, whereas earlier youngsters could not take a stand against it as it
was considered
customary.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the power of the Internet and the satellite TV in their hands.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today’s
young generation is the most
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
generation than ever in the history of mankind. They know what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and grandparents do not know. They have oceans of opportunities in front of them, which they want to explore.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
adopt careers of their choice and do not hesitate walking on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
untrodden
path.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
are not afraid of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
For example
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were pressurized
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to take up medical, non-medical or commerce streams,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are going into computer animation, computer gaming and other fields, which were unheard of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
can be detrimental for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They like maturity and fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the far-reaching consequences of their actions. It is
also
the time when teens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes and need someone there to guide them understand what went
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
backward,
Possible spelling mistake found.
analise
, and again take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
forward.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Freedoms
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the teens are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward having proven their ability to handle each
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
movement. Too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
also
drugs.

To sum up, it can
be reiterated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
enjoyed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is, by and large, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the onus is on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to prepare them for this in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of this excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
does not go against them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
417 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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