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In recent times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.2

In recent times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 2
Technology seems to promise infinite benefits for mankind. While it could be argued that the development of new technology always expands the gap between rich and poor, it is also true that the level of technology used in developing countries and low-income countries has been quicker than the developed countries over the last few years and this has helped to bridge the gap between the rich and the poor. So, both views have some ground, which I shall be discussing in this essay. There are many reasons why people say that technology increases the gap between rich and poor. To begin with, new technology itself tends to be affordable by only the richer elements of society and the poorer elements are denied the opportunities that this provides, such as the ability to be able to train for better paid work. It is understandable that because of their ability to acquire new technology, the learning ability within the richer elements of society is much improved. Therefore, they get better job placements and continue to grow further. What is more, with the power that wealth and knowledge brings, richer segments are more able to exert influence over the direction of society, usually to their own benefit. The poorer segment does not have this ability, and therefore their demands and needs tend to be driven lower down the list of political priorities. On the other hand, there are reasons to hold the opposite view. While it is true that the initial level of technology in lower-income countries was much lower to begin with, there is strong evidence of catch-up between middle-income and high-income countries. Technological progress increased 40% to 60% faster in developing countries than in rich countries. Use of some new technologies, such as mobile phones, has risen quickly. Technology has created huge opportunities for the poor where none existed previously. For example, some technologies such as communications or networking give poor people a chance to earn a better living. It is not uncommon for some people who used to live in poverty becoming millionaires or billionaires by taking advantage of the internet. This has definitely led to narrowing the gap between the rich and the poor. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that technology can do both – widen the gap between the rich and poor as well as narrow the gap if the poor get access to it. Therefore, it is not the technology to blame for the gap; it is the access to technology which is to blame. So, we should see to it that everyone gets equal access to technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
seems to promise infinite benefits for mankind. While it could
be argued
that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
always expands the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
, it is
also
true that the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has been quicker than the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
over the last few years and this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to bridge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, both views have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ground, which I shall be discussing in this essay.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
itself tends to be affordable by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the richer elements of society and the poorer elements
are denied
the opportunities that this provides, such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to be able to train for better paid work. It is understandable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
within the richer elements of society is much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better job placements and continue to grow
further
.

What is more
, with the power that wealth and knowledge brings, richer segments are more able to exert influence over the direction of society,
usually
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit. The poorer segment does not have this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
, and
therefore
their demands and needs tend to
be driven
lower down the list of political priorities.

On the other hand
, there are reasons to hold the opposite view. While it is true that the initial level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in lower-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
was much lower to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is strong evidence of catch-up between middle-income and high-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Technological progress increased 40% to 60% faster in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, such as mobile phones, has risen
quickly
.

Technology has created huge opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
where none existed previously.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
such as communications or networking give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a chance to earn a better living. It is not uncommon for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty becoming millionaires or billionaires by taking advantage of the internet. This has definitely led to narrowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and the poor.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can do both
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
widen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
as well
as narrow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to it.
Therefore
, it is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to blame for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
; it is the access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which is to blame.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
to it that everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
equal access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
436 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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