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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Mant of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Mant of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. v. 5
It is certainly true that the position of women in society has undergone a dramatic change in the past twenty years, but I do not feel that this is a direct cause of the indisputable increase in juvenile-related problems during this period. It is now accepted that young women should find work on leaving school; indeed to rely on totally on their parents' financial support is no longer an option in many families. Likewise, once they get married, the majority of women continue working since the financial pressures of setting up a house and establishing a reasonable standard of living often require two incomes. Twenty years ago, it was common for women to give up work once they had children and devote their time to caring for their children. This is no longer the general rule and the provision of professionally-run child care facilities come at a cost and often require two salaries coming into a family to be affordable. I do not believe that the increase in the number of working mothers has resulted in children being brought up less well than previously. Indeed, it could be argued that by giving mothers the opportunity to work and earn extra money for luxuries and holidays and a more secure family life is possible. If course there are limits as to the amount of time that ideally should be spent away from home and the ideal scenario would be for one of the parents to have a par-time job and thus, is available for their children before and after school. It is import to establish the correct balance between family life and working life.
It is
certainly
true that the position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in society has undergone a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the past twenty years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not feel that this is a direct cause of the indisputable increase in juvenile-related problems during this period.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should find work on leaving school;
indeed
to rely on
totally
on their parents' financial support is no longer an option in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Likewise
, once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
continue working since the financial pressures of setting up a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and establishing a reasonable standard of living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
require two incomes.

Twenty years ago, it was common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to give up work once they had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and devote their time to caring for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is no longer the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
and the provision of
professionally
-run child care facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at a cost and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
require two salaries coming into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to be affordable.

I do not believe that the increase in the number of working mothers has resulted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being brought
up less well than previously.
Indeed
, it could
be argued
that by giving mothers the opportunity to work and earn extra money for luxuries and holidays and a more secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life is possible. If course there are limits as to the amount of time that
ideally
should
be spent
away from home and the ideal scenario would be for one of the parents to have a par-time job and
thus
, is available for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after school. It is import to establish the correct balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and working life.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Mant of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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