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In modern times young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends Why has this change occurred Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home In modern times young adults are spending les v.2

In modern times young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends Why has this change occurred Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home In modern times young adults are spending les v. 2
Undoubtedly, there is an escalated trend of spending more time with friends than family. One of the pivotal causes of this vogue is extreme materialism among parents which turning them workaholic, thus they have quite trivial amount of time to spend with their offspring. However, I cogitate that parents should allow their young ones to spend time with peers which would conductive in imparting the social values. Since the insane thirst for materialistic possessions is forcing the human to work around the clock, thus they are not able to spend quality time with their young ones. Seemingly, privation of love and affection compel the children to wander with their friend in order to get rid of isolation. Also, it is biased to overlook the fact documented by Canadian Youth Care Council that 90 percent of young adults prefer to live in the company of their mates owing to which they like to live in dormitories. Therefore, lack of attention of parents who are highly busy in earning their livelihood force the youngsters to mingle with outsiders. Juveniles imbibe the habits of their age-mates and hence, they learn communication skills when they company with their friends. Same level of intellectual competencies and age would be more helpful among avid youngsters to adapt the virtues of others. To exemplify as per the survey carried out by New York Times, in the gone calendar year, juveniles imitate countless manners and etiquette when they spend colossal amount with their peers. Hence, company of good friends is an impeccable measure to inculcate the ample traits and get rid of nasty habits. In conclusion, undeniably proliferating greed of money keeps the parents away from their beloved ones which intensify their behavior to spend more time with age-mates. However, friends could instills the social values which would be imperative in order to thrive in the contemporary era.
Undoubtedly
, there is an escalated trend of spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
than family. One of the pivotal causes of this vogue is extreme materialism among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
which turning them workaholic,
thus
they have quite trivial amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their offspring.
However
, I cogitate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with peers which would conductive in imparting the social values.

Since the insane thirst for materialistic possessions is forcing the human to work around the clock,
thus
they are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Seemingly
, privation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection compel the children to wander with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of isolation.
Also
, it
is biased
to overlook the fact documented by Canadian Youth Care Council that 90 percent of young adults prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their mates owing to which they like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in dormitories.
Therefore
, lack of attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are
highly
busy in earning their livelihood force the youngsters to mingle with outsiders.

Juveniles imbibe the habits of their age-mates and
hence
, they learn communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Same level of intellectual competencies and age would be more helpful among avid youngsters to adapt the virtues of others. To exemplify as per the survey carried out by New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
, in the gone calendar year, juveniles imitate countless manners and etiquette when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
colossal amount with their peers.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is an impeccable measure to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
inculcate
the ample traits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of nasty habits.

In conclusion
,
undeniably
proliferating greed of money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
away from their beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which intensify their behavior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with age-mates.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "instill"
instills
the social values which would be imperative in order to thrive in the contemporary era.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern times young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends Why has this change occurred Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home In modern times young adults are spending les v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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